tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87178828256965535372024-03-20T04:53:01.000-05:00Azia DuPontAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.comBlogger76125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-76354115183330408822015-04-17T20:58:00.003-05:002015-07-01T14:00:15.123-05:00I've Moved!I'm over <a href="http://aziadupont.com/">here</a> now. <br />
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Mostly, my blogging days are behind me. (I mean, 14 years is a pretty strong run though, yes?!)<br />
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Sending you all love xoxoxo<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-60412098532024808382015-03-07T14:33:00.001-06:002015-03-07T14:35:25.136-06:00Poems, Submission Call & a QuoteI keep starting blog posts and not finishing them, so I'm just going to share that I recently had 2 poems put out into the world:<br />
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You can read and watch a video of my poem, <a href="http://www.screamingsheepmag.com/#!azia-dupont/cq22">"I'm Supposed to Cry on Thursday" at <i>The Screaming Sheep</i></a>.<br />
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My poem, <a href="http://www.peacheslitmag.com/">"We're All Born into this Purple Friday Night Chaos" is on page 21 of <i>Peacheslitmag.</i></a><br />
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Lastly, you can read the most recent issue of <i>Dirty Chai </i><a href="http://dirtychaimag.com/2015/02/25/dirty-chai-issue-five-winter-2015/">here</a>: I'm super proud of the fiction in this issue. The issue, in my opinion, is the best collection yet, but since I'm editing the fiction: READ ALL THE FICTION IT IS SO GOOD.<br />
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Also, <i>Dirty Chai</i> is open to submissions for Issue Six. It is a themed issue: ATLAS/STRUCTURE. Head <a href="http://dirtychaimag.com/call-for-submissions/">here</a> for more info.<br />
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Basically if I haven't been doing mom/family stuff- I've been doing art stuff. Which doesn't leave much time for blog stuff.<br />
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Please forgive me?<br />
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I recently read "Bird by Bird" by Anne Lammot and would like to leave you with this quote,<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">“Writing and reading decrease our sense of isolation. They deepen and widen and expand our sense of life: they feed the soul. When writers make us shake our heads with the exactness of their prose and their truths, and even make us laugh about ourselves or life, our buoyancy is restored. We are given a shot at dancing with, or at least clapping along with, the absurdity of life, instead of being squashed by it over and over again. It's like singing on a boat during a terrible storm at sea. You can't stop the raging storm, but singing can change the hearts and spirits of the people who are together on that ship.”</span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;"> </span></span></blockquote>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-64801513612946648152015-01-14T09:33:00.001-06:002015-01-14T09:33:25.035-06:00ReminderEverything I want to be:<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/cZGghmwUcbQ" width="560"></iframe>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-84043694032092054222015-01-07T13:47:00.000-06:002015-01-07T13:47:08.533-06:00Elastic Heart<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/KWZGAExj-es" width="560"></iframe><br />
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I'm obsessed. You should be too.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-71417571067391123262014-12-31T10:24:00.000-06:002014-12-31T10:24:48.468-06:00"Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us." -Hal Borland<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I feel akin to remark on how quickly the year has passed, but it seems to be something I now say almost constantly (since becoming a mother, anyway). But, in all actuality: WOW. 2014 BASICALLY DIDN'T HAPPEN OR I WAS ASLEEP 90% OF THE TIME OR SOMETHING. (Could also have something to do with having a baby in May? Maybe? Ha.)<br />
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In the spirit of reflection, I must comment on the unprecedented strangeness of 2014: so many highs and lows. Our family brought in a new member: Maggie truly is this beautiful little blessing-- her face just melts my heart and as challenging as babies can be (and raising children in general): I love this responsibility. I have the added bonus of living life through the eyes of children: it is incredible.<br />
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While this year was filled with much joy for our family, I watched a lot of people I care about face some truly terrible circumstances. I've been blown away by the strength, perseverance and vulnerability of those around me.<br />
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All in all: I'd say the word that best represents 2014 is GROWTH. Whether growth as in the literal form or spiritually, emotionally, professionally speaking: it's all around us and this past year. So even in the murky grossness: we are all for the better.<br />
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I like to take time to goal set at the beginning of each year: I'm a very disorganized, scatterbrain so this help give me focus.<br />
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One of the biggest things I'd like to tackle this year is <span style="font-size: large;">LIVING WITH LESS</span>. I plan on writing more about my issues this coming year: but my goal is to BREAK from this consumerism driven society and pave my own way. For the most part, I'm not very materialistic. We *rent* a very small, modest house with a large back yard, half of our furniture has been thrifted or purchased from garage sales. But still: the clutter, the useless crap: it's GOT TO GO.<br />
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Along the lines of living with less: I will <span style="font-size: large;">CONSUME LESS</span> this year. I want to be hyper aware of the rate at which we are wasting valuable resources and/or being gluttonous in our consumption.<br />
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Which brings me to the number one thing I am doing this year: <span style="font-size: large;">I REFUSE TO BUY ANY NEW CLOTHING</span>. My youngest child is 7 months old, and my body is still constantly changing, so I know a lot of the stuff I'm wearing now will not fit at the end of next year so I'm not saying no clothing whatsoever. But, if I need new pants or something: hello thrift stores, my sowing machine, Plato's closet, etc. I'm hoping to create a capsule wardrobe by the end of this that allows me to dress with more intention, and less based on trends and consumerism.<br />
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As it is, my husband is on board for this lifestyle change, which will make it all the more easier. <br />
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Any goals for you this year, my friends?<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-46795477620029212252014-11-28T08:52:00.002-06:002014-11-28T08:58:26.244-06:00If Your Reality is Mostly Virtual: You Are Doing it WrongFor those of you who have followed my blogs over the years, or any of you that know me in person, you know that navigating social media has been something I've struggled with for a long time. Social media makes me anxious (well, I have anxiety, so a lot things make me anxious, but social media tends to really make it flare up). It brings out a judgmental side that I hate knowing resides within me ("How could they post something like <i>that?</i>"). There has been so many birds chirping lately, I feel like my brain is overrun with all of these words and little action. My brain is melting into my keyboard, into my phone. My brain is of utmost importance, I must save my brain.<br />
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So, now, how to navigate this virtual world without it interfering with my reality? That right there folks, is the million dollar question.</div>
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I don't want to be glued to my smartphone. I don't want to be gazing into the abyss tweeting my life away while my actual life is unfolding outside that glass screen. I don't want to gawk at someone I know over-sharing and have a resounding, <i>What the actual fuck,</i> playing on repeat in my head. I don't want to judge online personas and think, <i>You are NOTHING like that in real life</i>.</div>
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I keep deactivating & activating my Twitter & Facebook because I'm so torn on how to actually navigate this virtual world. There is a large part of me that wants to run from it like the wind, but I also recognize the role it plays in today's modern world. But, I'm just not a fan of this virtual reality. Maybe this is just me? But, really, I have to say: <span style="font-size: large;"><b>If your reality is mostly virtual: you are doing it WRONG.</b></span><br />
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If you feel yourself getting defensive at that statement, you may have an addiction to the internet. I get it, it's a hard pill to swallow, but I assure you, if you have a thought and you do not tweet it, it is still an actual thought-- sharing it on Facebook doesn't make it at all more "real." If anything, if you need someone to "like" a statement of yours in order to feel less alone, you are making yourself much more lonely in the process.<br />
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I believe I've shared this in the past, but it seems incredibly relevant:<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/70534716" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe><br /></div>
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<a href="http://vimeo.com/70534716">The Innovation of Loneliness</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/shimicohen">Shimi Cohen</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.</div>
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You guys, we were created to socialize with other human beings. Emailing and Facebook chatting does not substitute real life, actual face to face contact. There is always a person to meet, a friend to make, no matter where you live or how "busy" you are- but you have to actually put your phone in your pocket, or turn off your laptop and get out into your community to meet these people. Even the most introverted person needs to have "real life" friends that they socialize with on a regular basis.<br />
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I'm not saying that you can't have connections with people online. There are a few people on the interweb that I've never met in my real life that seem pretty awesome. But you know what? If something life shattering were to happen right now, God forbid, a death of a loved one, a fire, you name it, these "virtual" friends will not be there to help glue me back together. Chatting can only go so far, presenting each thought articulated to perfection via your keyboard will not bond you the way face to fave contact can. What if something happened and the grid came to a startling hault and none of us could "log on?" Where would you be?<br />
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Again, I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but your internet friends cannot and should not be your only friends. If you are not meeting someone for coffee, or drinks, or readings, or gym time or something at least once a week: you are not living your life.<br />
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Heck, you may be doing some great things online; as a writer, myself and other writers included, one of our greatest strengths resides in our ability to convey the written word-- but that should not be the only way we are changing the world. We should be changing the world with our actions as well. We should be knee deep in our community, we should be living our lives. <br />
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I know this sounds preachy and I'm sorry for that, but this just seems like such a necessary message.<br />
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Social Media, the internet, it can be psychologically dangerous. I am going on year three (maybe it's year four?) of being <a href="http://nobullying.com/cyberstalking-20-important-facts/"><span style="font-size: large;">cyber-stalked/cyber-harassed </span></a>by an individual I met in my college years-- I know they check my various social media profiles because they will accidentally repin something from Pinterest & quickly delete it, or they will follow a friend of mine on Twitter that they have absolutely no connection to, or even follow and unfollow me (that is before I blocked them), and a few months ago I received an anonymous message via this blog, advising me to keep my various profiles private because this person checks everything I do almost compulsively. <br />
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Um, yeah, that stresses me out. I've wasted more energy than I'm proud to admit, more tears to my husband than I ever should have to spare on something so ridiculous, because social media platforms have opened up up this Pandora's box of infinite access. I can't count how many times I've felt like I need to shut down all of my accounts because of that person; knowing that there is someone out there who does not like me, judging everything that I do. It isn't a good feeling. <br />
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But, it brings me back to what I spoke about before, how many times have I rolled my eyes at what people have posted to Facebook, people I actually like? So, really, as long as we have the internet, there will be an enhanced sin of judgement.<br />
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As long as we have the internet, we will run the chance of becoming too engrossed in our virtual realities, missing the real life happening outside of the screen.<br />
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As long as we have the internet, we will have a platform that allows us to present a version of ourselves that is highly edited.<br />
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In this digital age, we have to be aware of how much we are tuning out our world in order to tune into our screens. In this digital age we have to understand that true authentic relationships cannot exist solely in a chat-box. In this digital age we have to practice restraint in our curiosity. In this digital age we have to be aware of our intentions.<br />
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Intentionality is crucial to balancing social media, how you use it and to what ends it has control over your life.<br />
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What are your intentions when navigating social media? How much of your life is spent online? I think as the first generation to be navigating this virtual reality, it is crucial that we ask ourselves these questions and answer them honestly.<br />
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<h1 class="quoteText" style="background-color: white; font-weight: normal; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><i>“We refuse to turn off our computers, turn off our phone, log off Facebook, and just sit in silence, because in those moments we might actually have to face up to who we really are.”</i></span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"> -Jefferson Bethke</span></h1>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-79415506872988098762014-11-27T08:53:00.001-06:002014-11-27T08:53:22.218-06:00Thanksgiving Post<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="bqQuoteLink" style="line-height: 26px;"><a href="http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/melodybeat134462.html?src=t_thankful" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;" title="view quote"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.</i></span></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Melody Beattie</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Though it is easy to remember all of the darkness in this fallen world of ours, I choose to see light breaking through each crevice. I love life. I love my life. I have been beyond blessed with an incredible husband, beautiful family and more friends than I can count. If even one thing in my story had been altered, I may not be where I am or who I am today.</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">& a small list of a few luxuries I am thankful for:</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">-Prairie Lakes Church: our Pastors, our Church-family, small group & all the ministries (FX, The Grove, MOPS) that bring so much into our lives</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">-my red mini-van</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">-near boiling hot showers</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">-an abundance of coffee</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">-my bookshelves overflowing with titles</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">-the moments when my children care for & love on one another</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">-my King-sized bed</span></span></div>
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-the way my husband smells after a shower</div>
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I could fill notebook upon notebook for all of the things I am thankful for, but this seems sufficient for now.</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Happy Thanksgiving.</span></span><span style="line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span> Be well. Be grateful. Be the light.</span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-46618102491972575052014-10-27T09:54:00.003-05:002014-10-27T09:54:44.354-05:00NaNoWriMo 2014, Holler!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7eEPfVAsrFg/VE5bkQ9rtfI/AAAAAAAAA9w/RYPsUXRizY0/s1600/nano2014banner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7eEPfVAsrFg/VE5bkQ9rtfI/AAAAAAAAA9w/RYPsUXRizY0/s1600/nano2014banner.jpg" height="235" width="640" /></a></div>
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So, I am like 90% sure that last year I said I was not going to do NaNoWriMo this year... But, one can never speak in absolutes. And, alas- I have just signed up to participate again! I have an idea that must be written out-- so yes, why not NaNo? Granted, the novel I wrote last year was total shit and I have done absolutely NOTHING with it- but whateva whateva.<br />
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Anyway, are any of you participating in NaNo? If you are, can we be buddies? I need all of the support I can get! <a href="http://nanowrimo.org/participants/aziadupont"><span style="font-size: large;">You can find me here</span></a>!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-7294538539058787082014-10-11T09:56:00.002-05:002014-10-11T09:56:34.325-05:00Empath Lit / My PoemHey guys, I just wanted to send you over to <span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://empathlit.tumblr.com/">Empath Lit</a> </span>where they recently <a href="http://empathlit.tumblr.com/post/99680706160/azia-dupont-lives-and-writes-in-iowa-you-can-find">published a poem of mine</a>.<div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://empathlit.tumblr.com/about">Empath Lit</a> </span>was started by Alexandra Naughton and Dianna Dragonetti, </div>
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"two survivors who wanted to curate a project by and for people who have been victimized, abused, silenced. Seeking poetry, prose, essay/memoir/accounts of experiences, and more formal/journalistic criticism/reviews. Reclaim your narrative. We want to support you."</i></span></span></div>
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Amazing, right?</div>
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This is an incredible project and I am grateful to be a part of it. <a href="http://empathlit.tumblr.com/post/99680706160/azia-dupont-lives-and-writes-in-iowa-you-can-find"><span style="font-size: large;">My work, "Father's Day Poem"</span></a> does carry a trigger warning (re: sexual and child abuse) but I think it's important, now more than ever, to stop being ashamed of my story and to let people know that I am a survivor. <b>Terrible things happened to me but my life is not terrible. I made it through the other end. I was a victim, yes, but most importantly, I am a survivor. </b></div>
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For any of you who are dealing with abuse and need someone to talk to, I am here. Please reach out <a href="http://www.aziadupontblog.com/p/contact.html">via my contact page</a> or DM me <a href="http://www.twitter.com/aziadupont">via Twitter @aziadupont</a>.</div>
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In the words of Empath Lit, <b><i>reclaim your narrative</i></b><span style="font-size: large;">.</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-56741955402017045842014-09-25T13:51:00.004-05:002014-09-25T13:51:57.714-05:00Follow Fest '14!<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #1f1f1f; line-height: 20.7900009155273px; text-indent: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJfpFHydLIsLGR9m_8d5mUaWMR7tEvhs0-nocN6kzHye9maMYRtjE_DyyIvpsuwotngflbTySvdDN84mmCMRlODzVGaGWsDdkMnlfbf8lhZ6apHuXOKCU8wKlE6P9eN64xbxulf9h7CA1B/s1600/FollowFest+2014.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJfpFHydLIsLGR9m_8d5mUaWMR7tEvhs0-nocN6kzHye9maMYRtjE_DyyIvpsuwotngflbTySvdDN84mmCMRlODzVGaGWsDdkMnlfbf8lhZ6apHuXOKCU8wKlE6P9eN64xbxulf9h7CA1B/s1600/FollowFest+2014.png" /></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">I participated in</span><span style="font-size: large;"> <a href="http://melissamaygrove.blogspot.com/">Melissa Maygrove's</a></span><span style="font-size: small;"> Follow Fest last year and it was an awesome way to connect with other writers. When I found out she was hosting again, I had to jump on board!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Here's my info:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Name: </b>Azia DuPont (pronounced like "Asia" - you know, the continent. (But I wasn't named for the continent, I was named for the awesome 80's hair-band because that's somehow better.))</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Fiction or nonfiction? </b>BOTH. And poetry.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>What genres do you write? </b>Mostly realistic. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Are you published? </b>I have an essay and some poetry published in some small presses-- but no chapbooks/novels are graced with my strange name ::le sigh::</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Do you do anything in addition to writing?</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I am the founder and co-editor for the ePub Dirty Chai: <a href="http://www.dirtychaimag.com/"><span style="font-size: large;">www.dirtychaimag.com</span></a> // I am also available for CP & beta work. </span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Tell us a little about yourself.</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Well, where to start? I am in the midst of my twenty-eighth year of life. I am a wife and mother of three. I am a Christian. I am a BOOK NERD, holler! I have been writing since I before I could write, seriously. I've always had notebooks. I'd log all of my thoughts, ideas, things that inspired me, or, before words made any sense to me- I'd doodle and scribble errthang. I work part-time at Barnes and Noble slangin' books because re: Book Nerd. I'm a coffee-junky. (Did you know that B-Nobs employees get HALF-OFF the cafe ALL OF THE TIME? I know, right?) It's rare for me to not have coffee nearby. At about 7pm, I just switch to decaf, followed by a glass of Pinot Noir. (So, basically, by about the age of 45, I'm going to have freaking disgusting teeth. HAWT.) I feel like I'm not really telling you anything about myself, but whatever, you're cool with it. I can feel it. (I like to think I'm really good at feeling feelings.) I live in Iowa and I've found myself falling in love with it here. (I know, I'm as surprised as you are.) And, Margaret Atwood is my idol. And Angelina Jolie. And Kate Winslet. A character that she brought to life, April Wheeler (Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates), is my alter-ego. </span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">What are you reading right now?</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I just finished<i> The Reader</i> by Bernard Schlink and it was freaking FANTASTIC. And I've now started the memoir, <i>Glass Castle </i>by Jeanette Walls & am in LOVE. (Also, both of the covers to the books are incredible. Can my future book have a black & white cover pretty please?)</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Which authors influenced you the most?</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Style-wise? Novelist, Richard Yates, the poet, Matthew Dickman, essayist, David Sedaris. Inspirationally? Margaret Atwood. I WILL LOVE HER FOREVER.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Where can people connect with you?</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 20.7900009155273px; text-indent: 0in;">Blog:</span><span style="line-height: 20.7900009155273px; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><a href="http://www.aziadupontblog.com/"><span style="font-size: large;">www.aziadupontblog.com</span></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Twitter </span><a href="http://www.twitter.com/aziadupont"><span style="font-size: large;">@aziadupont</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 20.7900009155273px; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/AziaDuPontBlog">Facebook</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/14426303-azia">Goodreads </a><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><a href="https://plus.google.com/u/0/+AziaDuPont/posts">Google+</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/aziarene/">Pinterest</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><a href="http://aziasaidwhat.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Do you have a newsletter?</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">No- I'm still just a wannabe!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Is there anything else you’d like us to know?</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I'm willing to post cover reveals, love to help with CP and beta work. I'm always on Twitter, so feel free to say hello!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 20.7900009155273px; text-indent: 0in;">Check out all of the participants </span><a href="http://melissamaygrove.blogspot.com/2014/09/follow-fest-14-day-1.html" style="line-height: 20.7900009155273px; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: large;">here</span></a>!</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-89184836579075200152014-09-15T09:42:00.001-05:002014-09-15T10:02:31.798-05:00Sin PatternsThere's so much going on day-to-day and often times, my to-do list seems so freaking daunting that I neglect to spend time nurturing my spirit.<br />
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Even before I became a Christian, I felt a soul, <i>my</i> soul. My friend Katie would often say that I can't possibly be an Atheist because I was so spiritual and in-tune with that part of myself. (Looks like she was right, ha!) Your spirit is crucial to every aspect of your life. If you are not in tune with the part of you that isn't physical, everything around you suffers. How you interpret situations and how you handle them, it all becomes skewed.<br />
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For me, as a Christian, nurturing the spirit means spending time in the word, praying, and meditating on scripture. When I am feeling super frazzled and defeated, 9 times out of 10 I will realize that I (coincidentally) have been on a streak of spiritual neglect. With 3 children, and being the stereotypical neurotic writer, you can see how that could be seriously detrimental to my well-being.<br />
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A couple weeks ago, we attended a new sermon-series at <a href="http://www.prairielakeschurch.org/">our church</a>, <i>Cleaning Up My Side of the Road</i>. This particular sermon focused on "Sin Patterns" (you can watch <a href="http://www.prairielakeschurch.org/media-center/message-series/cleaning-up-my-side-of-the-road/sin-patterns.aspx">here</a>.) Let me tell you, <b>it was a smack in the face</b>. Though, it was probably the first time I actually <b>welcomed the smack in the face with open arms.</b><br />
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I was jotting notes down like a maniac:<br />
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<i>"Your journey with Jesus will consistently be derailed when sin patterns remain unchecked."</i><br />
<i>"Your side of the road can cause GENERATIONAL DAMAGE."</i><br />
<i>"If you doubt that the maker and creator of you loves you, you will spend the rest of your life chasing that love."</i><br />
<i>"Religion says: clean up your sin. But a relationship with God says: clean up your heart."</i><br />
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I cannot let the neglect of my spirit, and my very needed relationship with God, derail my journey through this life. If I allow this to happen, I could cause generational damage (!!!!). I could be setting up my children s children for hardship/strife/all of the terrible things.<br />
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And, wow. Don't even get me started on the entire "chasing love-thing." I think that basically sums up who I was from the ages of 15 to 23 years old (maybe still, sometimes?... On my "emo" days! I hate admitting that.)<br />
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We went through healthy steps to begin cleaning up your side of the road:<br />
1. Identify the Pattern<br />
2. Identify Obvious Disruptures<br />
3. Clarify the REAL ISSUE<br />
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<i> "What comes out of you, starts with what's in you."</i><br />
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We were given time to pray and think about our patterns. I wrote:<br />
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<i>I get so angry, and then so sad. I hate that I cannot control my emotions, it makes me feel weak. That opens up the window to intense self-loathing and I begin cycling through each instance in my life where I feel that I have failed, where I feel I've been "bad" or done something wrong. Once I get too far into my past, I start to feel angry again over things that happened to me that I had no control over and that anger becomes this living breathing fear of adulthood-- that maybe I'm ill equipped to become a functioning adult. And that's when the anxiety sets in, I start thinking about the future. The future. The future. Do I even deserve a future? I don't deserve a good future. My poor children! They deserve a much better mother. Those thoughts take over my brain and then I feel depressed. And that depression makes me angry. And then we are right back where we started.</i><br />
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My pattern of sin is Anger > Anxiety > Depression and the vast universe of emotions that encompass those individual states of mind. And, since I was a teenager, that has always been my issue, or at least the root cause of my myriad of issues. For a very, very long time I did not have God. I did not feel loved. I sure as hell did not love my self. So, I went looking for love in all of the wrong places, which usually resulted in my doing things that made me loathe myself even more. Which would make me depressed and then angry. And, usually, I'd eventually explode on someone who didn't deserve it because I had been pushing so much down, that I'd finally burst. (Yeah, I was kind of an asshole. I'm really sorry.)<br />
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We were asked to identify the things that disrupt us. I'm still working out the answer to that one. I know there is no simple answer and I want to spend a lot of time searching this one out.<br />
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Finally, we spent time clarifying the real issue. I wrote:<br />
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<i>I'm afraid no one really loves the true, messy, me. I'm afraid that God doesn't love me as much as he loves the sons of this world, strictly because I am a woman. Sometimes that keeps me from asking God for the guidance I need. At the end of the day, my issues all stem from love: self-love, love from others, love from God.</i><br />
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So, now I'm left with a bit of clarity but also more questions. Oddly enough, it does bring me some peace though. I feel a bit more armed in the attacks on me and my self-esteem. Because, really, at the end of the day: depression, anxiety, and anger, those are coming from a place of insecurity and learned survival tactics. I am no longer a naive little girl who is merely surviving life. I am a woman of God who, when I lean on The Creator can thrive. But, I do know that I will be hashing out my feelings towards God+Woman for awhile. I've luckily found an incredible woman to mentor me, and maybe she can help me through the vast expanse of questions I have.<br />
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What are YOUR sin patterns?<br />
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I know a lot of you are not Christians, so the word "sin" does not have any bearing on how you identify your emotions. But, I'm still interested in the things that disrupt your life in a negative way- what are your go to downfalls? How do you pick yourself up again? Is there a pattern?<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-91895204504500425372014-09-03T15:15:00.001-05:002014-09-03T15:15:10.803-05:00Around the Web // Stuff to Read & Stuff<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Time for another link round-up because I have a ton already for you guys. Sadly, no funny pictures or videos this time around. BUT- there is a ton of awesome things to read, so yay!<br />
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Who else was obsessed with the movie-version of "The Little Rascals" ?? <a href="http://www.aol.com/article/2014/09/03/the-little-rascals-where-are-they-now-and-how-do-they-look/20956439/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5-entertainment%7Cdl2%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D524149"><span style="font-size: large;">This is the coolest</span></a>.<br />
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<a href="http://www.cracked.com/blog/why-every-80s-sitcom-decided-to-kill-off-mom/"><span style="font-size: large;">Why Every 80's Sitcom Decided to Kill Off Mom</span></a>-"<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px;">Whether intentionally or not, when sitcoms killed off the most important element of a family, they presented audiences with the precarious situation everyone was privately afraid of: a family on the verge of collapse. But instead of giving audiences the dismal ending where everyone becomes junkies, the sitcoms smiled in the face of all that fear and said, "It's OK. Everything is going to be alright.""</span></i></span><br />
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<a href="http://www.salon.com/2014/09/01/the_crisis_of_bad_feminism_is_worse_than_you_think/"><span style="font-size: large;">The Crisis of "Bad Feminism" is Worse Than You Think</span></a>- <span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;">So say it with me: </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; line-height: 20px; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Not everything a feminist does is a feminist act.</span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;"> You are large. You contain multitudes. And you are under no orders to reveal those multitudes to thousands of readers and commenters who already want to discredit you. Feminism is more than a collection of personal likes and dislikes. And that’s why choice feminism as a whole is a dangerous frame for a political and social movement. If everything is feminism, then nothing is. And if we feel the need to disavow everything we do and everything we desire, how much easier is it to discount what we claim to really want?"</span></i></span><br />
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<a href="http://readingwritingandlovinit.blogspot.com/2014/08/the-pay-of-mid-lister-and-why-those.html"><span style="font-size: large;">The Pay of a Mid-lister (and why those dang pirates piss me off!</span>)</a> via Cassie Mae<br />
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<a href="http://flavorwire.com/474759/why-book-criticism-and-literary-culture-needs-a-poptimist-revolution"><span style="font-size: large;">Why Book Criticism and Literacy Culture Needs a Poptimist Revolution</span></a>: great read!<br />
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Incredibile Poem: <span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://spoketoosoonjournal.com/?p=1394">"A Storm We Must Endure All Night" by Mary Austin Speaker</a> </span>in SPOKE TO SOON<br />
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Food Babe: <a href="http://foodbabe.com/2014/08/25/starbucks-pumpkin-spice-latte/"><span style="font-size: large;">You'll Never Guess What's in Your Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte</span></a>- So, so gross you guys.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/08/28/in-plastics-and-cans-a-threat-to-women/?_php=true&_type=blogs&smid=fb-nytimes&WT.z_sma=HL_IPA_20140829&bicmp=AD&bicmlukp=WT.mc_id&bicmst=1388552400000&bicmet=1420088400000&_r=3&">In Plastic and Cans, a Threat to Women</a> </span>via The New York Times is frightening<span style="font-family: inherit;">: "<i><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 23px;">Scientists have discovered similar effects across an increasingly broad range of mammals, from </span><a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0041008X14002130" style="background-color: white; line-height: 23px;">sheep</a><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 23px;"> to </span><a href="http://www.pnas.org/content/early/2012/09/18/1207854109.abstract" style="background-color: white; line-height: 23px;">monkeys</a></i><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 23px;"><i> to, alas, humans. The accumulating research fuels rising concern among scientists that childhood exposure to BPA may well contribute to female infertility, and that adult exposure may result in a shorter reproductive life span.</i>"</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 23px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>On the theft of Celebrity Photos:</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 23px;"><a href="http://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2014/09/celebrity-nudes-jennifer-lawrence-kate-upton-fappening?mbid=social_twitter"><span style="font-size: large;">What the Celebrity Nudes "Fappening" Really Tells Us About Tech Giants</span></a>- <i>"</i></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 21px;"><i>The true scandal of the fappenning—the one really useful thing about it—is that you couldn’t wish for a clearer demonstration of how all of us now entrust the most private information about ourselves to the guardianship of public companies that have consistently proven themselves unworthy of that trust."</i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.tmz.com/2014/09/02/mckayla-maroney-nude-photos-underage-lawyer-letter-porn-sites/"><span style="font-size: large;">McKayla Maroney Was UNDERAGE in Hacked Pictures</span></a>- "<span style="background-color: white;">Olympic gymnast </span><span style="font-weight: 600;">McKayla Maroney</span><span style="background-color: white;"> says she was under 18 when the hacked nude photos of her were taken"</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/sep/01/celebrity-naked-photo-leak-2014-nude-women"><span style="font-size: large;">The Great Naked Photo Leak of 2014 Is Just The Beginning</span></a>- <i>"<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;">The Great Celebrity Naked Photo Leak of 2014 – or perhaps we should call it The Great Celebrity Naked Photo Leak of August 2014, given that th</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; line-height: 20px;">is happens so often that there won’t be only one this year – is meant to remind women of their place. Don’t get too high and mighty, ladies. Don’t step out of line. Don’t do anything to upset or disappoint men who feel entitled to your time, bodies, affection or attention. Your bared body can always be used as a weapon against you. You bared body can always be used to shame and humiliate you. Your bared body is at once desired and loathed.""</span></i></span><br />
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You've got to sign up for <span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://melissamaygrove.blogspot.com/p/follow-fest.html">Melissa Maygrove's Follow Fest!</a></span> I did it <a href="http://www.aziadupontblog.com/2013/09/follow-fest-nice-to-meet-you.html"><span style="font-size: large;">last year</span></a> and it was a great way to connect with other writer/bloggers.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-66699762353647891222014-08-27T15:31:00.000-05:002014-08-27T15:34:53.701-05:00Why I'm Not That Excited About Beyonce's FEMINIST Performance<span style="font-family: inherit;">The Internet basically exploded Sunday night, when "Queen" Beyonce stood proudly in front of the word FEMINIST during her performance at the MTV Video Awards. I didn't catch the original performance because I <strike>spent 5 minutes watching them and I thought my brain was going to melt</strike> was watching The Leftovers. But, after seeing all the hoopla, I decided to check out the performance.</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/incoming/article9689108.ece/alternates/w620/Beyonce-Feminist-VMAs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="http://www.independent.co.uk/incoming/article9689108.ece/alternates/w620/Beyonce-Feminist-VMAs.jpg" height="245" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Beyonce is talented. I'll give her that. I'm not denying that she does not have star power. As a mother, I also loved seeing the tribute to her daughter. I understand that love, it's beautiful. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Also, as a mother, I kept thinking <i>"She's really letting her daughter watch<b> this</b>?"</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It was so sexual you guys, I hated it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">There was a point where she was acting out sex on a chair, it was ridiculous.</span><br />
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<a href="https://38.media.tumblr.com/d42928cdf42f844d662777dafd1ed6fe/tumblr_nayimamyut1rpry93o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://38.media.tumblr.com/d42928cdf42f844d662777dafd1ed6fe/tumblr_nayimamyut1rpry93o1_500.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(I know, I'm not supposed to hate on Beyonce- I'm sure I'll be shunned by many for this post.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But, I can't keep my bewilderment under wraps.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />Yes- thank you, Beyonce for proving that FEMINISTS CAN BE HOTT TOO! (<a href="http://mediamatters.org/video/2005/08/16/the-truth-according-to-limbaugh-feminism-establ/133652"><span style="font-size: large;">Note: Limbaugh on Feminism</span></a>: "<i>Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.</i>" (uh, okay?????) But, I'm not really impressed about it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And, yes, big thanks for bringing feminism and the discussion of what feminism is to the populace- that's great. Especially since it's been 94 years since women were granted suffrage in the United States.</span><br />
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<a href="http://37.media.tumblr.com/ceb04536f45f8ff371f73f2e7274fcab/tumblr_naio1bm7g81sd86i0o1_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="http://37.media.tumblr.com/ceb04536f45f8ff371f73f2e7274fcab/tumblr_naio1bm7g81sd86i0o1_1280.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Thank you for sampling Nigerian novelist, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie in your song, "Flawless." That's really, really, great. This is the quote:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> <span style="font-size: large;"><i>"<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;">We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, ‘You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise, you will threaten the man.’ Feminist: </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;">The person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes." </span></i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Yes. That's exactly what feminists are: people who believe in the social, political & economic equality of the sexes, yes!</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">But just because we have the power to be sexual beings does not mean that we should proudly become sex objects and find it somehow acceptable because we are doing it in the name of feminism.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Oh, I know what's you are thinking: <i>Azia! You hypocrite! You preach about not slut-shaming & now you are totally slut-shaming Beyonce.</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I am not. Really, I'm not. I just don't feel like celebrating this sexual "liberation." Beyonce may be a lion, roaring with all her might, choosing to own her sexual identity- good on her. But just because she chooses to be an object, does not mean that objectifying women (sexual objects you guys, come on!) is suddenly okay. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I fear the repercussions on the impressionable American (male&female) youth. Our society is already so hyper-sexualized. </span></span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); font-family: inherit; line-height: 25.200000762939453px;">Where is the gray area? It seems our society has one side that's shouting NO SEX ED, NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE, LET'S IGNORE SEX & the other side that thinks twerking, self-"chosen" nudity, swinging around on a wrecking ball naked & licking hammers is somehow LIBERATION. </span><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); font-family: inherit; line-height: 25.200000762939453px;">Is there anyone else hanging out in the middle ground? Am I the only one?</b><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); font-family: inherit; line-height: 25.200000762939453px;"> </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961);"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 25.200000762939453px;">I embrace sexual relationships, we were designed to enjoy sex. (I have 3 children, clearly I'm not opposed to sex.) And I will go as far as to say that I think we are doing our children a serious disservice by not providing them with a comprehensive sexual education (note: Christians- we can't hide from the world our children live in. We can instill values of abstinence, but we need them to be aware of sex in today's society. It's like sending them out into a battlefield unarmed. We must arm our children.)- but I also do not agree that sexual liberation makes sexual </span><span style="line-height: 25.200000762939453px;">provocativeness</span><span style="line-height: 25.200000762939453px;"> okay. I do not worship sex in the way our culture seems to, apparently.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;">And I don't want my daughters and son to think that this behavior is okay.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;">I don't want my children objectifying women.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;">So, thanks Beyonce, for bringing this all to light. And, I think you have the star-power to get a lot more people talking about the equality of sexes in this country. Really, I appreciate this.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;">But I can't pretend that I appreciate the way you've chosen to deliver your message. I can't pretend that I like the type of feminism you are showcasing. I can't pretend that objectifying women, even self-chosen objectification, is somehow not objectification.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.901961); line-height: 25.200000762939453px;">So thanks, but also, I'm not that excited about it.</span><br />
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You can watch the performance here:<br />
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<iframe frameborder="0" height="288" src="http://media.mtvnservices.com/embed/mgid:uma:video:mtv.com:1066933/cp~series%3D3160%26id%3D1729742%26vid%3D1066933%26uri%3Dmgid%3Auma%3Avideo%3Amtv.com%3A1066933" width="512"></iframe><br />
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Get More: <br />
<a href="http://www.mtv.com/ontv/vma/" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">2014 VMA</a>, <a href="http://www.mtv.com/artists/" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Artists.MTV</a>, <a href="http://www.mtv.com/artists/beyonce/" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Beyoncé</a>, <a href="http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/1066933/mtv-vma-video-vanguard-medley.jhtml#id=1729742&vid=1066933" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">MTV VMA Video Vanguard (Medley)</a>, <a href="http://www.mtv.com/music/" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Music</a>, <a href="http://www.mtv.com/music/video/" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">More Music Videos</a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-55100094466594862412014-08-26T10:53:00.001-05:002014-08-26T12:45:42.753-05:00On Mothering & Maybe Not Expecting Too MuchAs a mother, I have a tendency to share the highs much more often than the lows. Honestly, I hate (yes, that is a strong word, but I'm going to use it here) all of these articles floating around the Internet about how (insert: depressing, hard, awful, boring, seven hells) parenting is. I just want to shout, DID YOU THINK CHANGING 13 POOPY DIAPERS A DAY, COMMUNICATING WITH A PERSON WHO CANNOT SPEAK A HUMAN LANGUAGE, AND ALL THE DAMN LAUNDRY WOULD BE FUN ALL OF THE TIME?<br />
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I sure as hell didn't.<br />
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I'm actually going to be honest with you, I don't even really<i> like</i> kids.<br />
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I know how that sounds, because, well, I have three of them. Someone that doesn't like kids should probably not have so many of them, right? But, I love <i>my</i> kids. I even really, really, LIKE my kids. They are hilarious and smart and silly and freaking awesome. I like my relatives children. I like my friends children. But, I'm not going to go out of my way to do stuff with a bunch of kids. <br />
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As a stay-at-home-mom, a lot of people seem to suggest that I should run a daycare. WHY WOULD I WANT TO HAVE A BUNCH OF OTHER PEOPLE'S KIDS AT MY HOUSE ALL DAY, EVERY DAY? I watch one boy on Fridays, and that's enough for me. He's super chill, the same age as Abram, and is just a cool little dude. I can't begin to fathom what having 6 more of him would be like though. (Well, maybe if they were as cool and easy-going as him, I'd consider it.) But, gross. All of the diapers and dishes and toys all over the place! No thanks!<br />
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But, let me tell you-- I served at our church with 2nd and 3rd graders this past weekend, and it's not that it was awful, it's just not my gifting. I don't know how to talk to kids like they are not little grown-ups. That's why my kids have such extensive vocabularies and are experts in sarcasm before their 3rd birthdays. Unfortunately, you can't talk to other people's children like that. But, for some reason, kids seem to flock to me. They always want to hang out with me, and I'm all like, "Ew." I felt like the biggest phony-baloney for 2 straight hours, while I had my stepford wife smile plastered to my face and I had to pretend I was patient.<br />
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Elementary School Teachers- YOU ARE GODS. Because, I could never do that.<br />
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Anyway, I digress. Back to motherhood.<br />
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You guys, it's not easy. I have grown two little humans in my body within 3 years, and sometimes my hormones are so out of whack that I just want to sit in the bathroom with a bottle of Pinot Noir, a giant jar of Nutella, a tube of red lipstick and laugh-cry for hours. (Can you imagine if I actually did that? My children would be scarred for life, as I emerged from the bathroom 2 hours later, drunk, smeared red lipstick and mascara running down my cheeks, hazelnut chocolate spread all over. Let's maybe also insert hiccups here.) But, I don't. I keep my shit together because I am a mother. (At least in front of them- my poor husband, he's seen me cry too many times as I've struggled with the phrase <i>Am I good enough?</i>)<br />
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As parents, as mothers, we have a responsibility to our children to handle ourselves, our emotions, and our hormones.<br />
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Postpartum Depression is a very real thing. I'm struggling with it as we speak.<br />
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But, for every meal I've slaved over that the kids don't want to eat (which, in turn, makes me want to lose my shit) there are 15 more dance parties, cuddles while we read books, art projects, and just general love to share.<br />
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These children, I am not worthy of them. They are on loan to me until the Lord sees fit to take them back & the only thing I can control is how well I love them.<br />
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I cannot control how messy they are.<br />
How much they choose to fight and cry that day.<br />
If they decide to not eat a dang thing but continually ask me for popsicles.<br />
If they fight bedtime tooth and nail and all I want is to work on my book or read Game of Thrones.<br />
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All I can do is love them.<br />
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Parenting is hard you guys. It's not easy. It's a lot of exhaustion, cleaning, patience-testing. If you have three kids, you and your partner might have to pencil in sexy-time (sorry, babe!) because spontaneity just can't happen.<br />
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But, it also opens your eyes to mindfulness and giving your best.<br />
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You have to put effort into everything. Into planning meals and effectively getting through the chores. In recognizing the beauty and hilarity of everything. Into making time for your partner and appreciating them. In finding time for yourself. In finding time for your friends.<br />
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It sounds overwhelming, and it is. But, damn, if it doesn't make you feel alive, all of this constant mindfulness, I don't know what will.<br />
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I have a tendency to laugh a lot throughout my day. When my kids all decide to cry at the same time, or the cat pukes on the floor and my poor son wipes out in it because I was nursing my youngest while the puking occurred and couldn't get up to clean it yet, or when my 6 year old returns home from school & is so annoyed that her baby brother is following her around asking her to play "Choo-choo trains" and all she wants to do is play barbies on her own (she usually plays with him anyway- awwww!).<br />
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Last night, I had a come-to-Jesus moment. I had slaved over a delicious healthy dinner. <a href="http://www.pinterest.com/pin/254805291392660600/"> I found a recipe on Pinterest that I wanted to try- Greek Chicken</a>, made potatoes and green beans & in general just a giant mess out of the kitchen because, well, cooking while taking care of 3 kids isn't the easiest thing.<br />
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I found out right before I'm about to put dinner on the table that my husband wasn't going to be home from work until 7pm (he had left for work at 6:30am- I was basically exhausted from over 12 hours of no back-up/relief) so I served dinner to the kids without him. Abe mashed everything up, though he did eat a small amount- but mostly he created some sort of sculpture. Eva licked things in disgust, complaining throughout the meal, and I held Maggie while she whaled, shoving food into my mouth with one hand because I was starving. <br />
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It was terrible you guys. I kept thinking, <i>Why do I even try?</i><br />
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It took everything I had not to bawl like a baby when my husband finally walked in the door. He sensed my sadness, and ate his meal with such enthusiasm that I went out of my way to make sure we had special Azia-Garrett time. (hehehe) <br />
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But, I try because I love my family, I love myself. And to not try would not only let my family down, I would be letting myself down.<br />
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So, yes- these kids don't quite understand how defeated they can make me feel when they don't eat the food I've prepared. But, they are kids, you guys. They aren't trying to make me feel bad. And, one day, they are going to remember that their mother put real food on the table every single night, and went out of her way to make sure the family sat together and prayed over their meal, that we shared about our day. <br />
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Parenting is hard you guys, but it's awesome. I wouldn't trade these children in for anything.<br />
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I think as a society, we tend to make parenting much more than it is. Which lands us in this territory bordering dissatisfaction. If you are having children to fill yourselves up, you are going to continually be disappointed. Parenting just is. Just love your children, try your best and give yourself grace. It isn't going to be awesome all of the time. But, it's also not the drag that these countless articles want to make it out to be. <br />
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Khalil Gibran says it best:<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">“Your children are not your children.</span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. </span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">They come through you but not from you.</span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.</span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">You may give them your love but not your thoughts,</span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">For they have their own thoughts.</span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">You may house their bodies but not their souls,</span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">For thir souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.</span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.</span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.</span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.</span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.</span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness.</span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.”</span></i></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-2759549240402657362014-08-25T10:26:00.001-05:002014-08-25T10:26:05.824-05:00Around the Web : Some of my favs from last week!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GWZcHJKmyDY/U_deGzzESVI/AAAAAAAAA8U/PoJLxb7lg2I/s1600/aroundtheweb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GWZcHJKmyDY/U_deGzzESVI/AAAAAAAAA8U/PoJLxb7lg2I/s1600/aroundtheweb.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
Time for another round-up, wouldn't you say? Here it goes:<br />
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-<a href="http://www.prairielakeschurch.org/media-center/message-series/big-iowa-little-iowa/learn.aspx"><span style="font-size: large;">This first sermon, for the series "Big Iowa/Little Iowa" at my church really spoke to me</span></a>: You have got to listen to this.<br />
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-Yeah, so, this quote from Zooey Deschanel (which I've totally pinned via Pinterest because it's awesome):<br />
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<a href="http://cdn2.hellogiggles.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20/photo-11-369x480.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://cdn2.hellogiggles.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20/photo-11-369x480.jpg" height="320" width="246" /></a></div>
She NEVER SAID it. It's actually from an essay written by Amelia Olson. <span style="font-size: large;"> <a href="http://hellogiggles.com/internet-steals-words-get-back">Read about the entire debacle on (Zooey D. founded) HelloGiggles.com</a></span><br />
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-Podcast with my friend, Sarah Certa: <a href="http://writteninsmallspaces.com/2014/08/17/episode-22-a-universe-in-every-heart-with-sarah-certa/"><span style="font-size: large;">A Universe In Every Heart</span></a><br />
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-Wanting to publish some poetry or short stories in a small press? There are some awesome publications open for submissions that are <a href="http://www.newpages.com/classifieds/calls/"><span style="font-size: large;">listed in NewPages classifieds right now</span></a>.<br />
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-<span style="font-size: large;">I</span><a href="http://edition.cnn.com/2012/06/20/living/give-grandma-hug-child/index.html"><span style="font-size: large;"> Don't Own My Child's Body by Katia Hett</span>er</a> on CNN.com: <span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19px;">"When we force children to submit to unwanted affection in order not to offend a relative or hurt a friend's feelings, we teach them that their bodies do not really belong to them because they have to push aside their own feelings about what feels right to them," said Irene van der Zande, co-founder and executive director of </span><a href="http://kidpower.org/" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #004276; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Kidpower Teenpower Fullpower International</span></a><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19px;">, a nonprofit specializing in teaching personal safety and violence prevention. "This leads to children getting sexually abused, teen girls submitting to sexual behavior so 'he'll like me' and kids enduring bullying because everyone is 'having fun.' "</span></i></span><br />
<br />
-<a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJm5yR1KFcysl_0I3x-iReg"><span style="font-size: large;">Laci Green</span></a> nails it with the Slut Shaming (You can read how I feel about the word "slut" <a href="http://www.aziadupontblog.com/2014/04/you-are-not-slut-women-empowering-women.html"><span style="font-size: large;">here</span></a> and <a href="http://www.aziadupontblog.com/2014/05/you-are-not-slut-women-empowering-women.html"><span style="font-size: large;">here</span></a>)<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/CCw2MzKjpoo" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>-"</i><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 22.013639450073242px;"><i>I tried to forgive myself for not writing every day, but now that the work of my first memoir is complete, I realize that taking long breaks, pacing my work, and allowing for retreat is nothing that needs forgiveness: My brain was protecting itself as it turned traumatic memory into crafted prose. An unflagging commitment to output might have gutted me. Now, with patience, I write when I feel that the work has begun to make itself inside of me.” </i><a href="http://www.pw.org/content/elissa_washuta_1">-<span style="font-size: large;">Elissa Washuta from "Writers Reccomend on Poets & Writers</span> </a></span></span><br />
<br />
-An acquaintance recorded this John Lennon cover:<br />
<iframe frameborder="no" height="166" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/164141752&color=ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false" width="100%"></iframe><br />
<br />
-<a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/morganshanahan/can-you-tell-a-mom-has-postpartum-depression-just-by-looking#3jjzfoj"><span style="font-size: large;">Can You Tell A Mom Has Postpartum Depression Just By Looking At Her?</span></a> Short list, but insightful.<br />
<br />
-<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/24/james-foley-letter-family_n_5705979.html"><span style="font-size: large;">This Letter from James Foley</span></a>, written in captivity and memorized by another prisoner is incredible<br />
<br />
-<a href="http://melissamaygrove.blogspot.com/2014/08/how-not-to-get-scadalized-on-amazon.html"><span style="font-size: large;">How NOT to Get Scandalized on Amazon</span></a>- up on Melissa Maygrove's Blog- AWESOME, informative read.<br />
<br />
--<br />
<br />
I could share a lot more, but I think that's a good list for you to read through this week! Happy Monday, everyone!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-20628094747775276702014-08-21T09:41:00.000-05:002014-08-26T09:41:31.775-05:00Dirty Chai : HEY WRITERS/ARTISTS! Visit Us!<span style="font-family: inherit;">For those of you that don't know, I am an editor for the ePub <a href="http://www.dirtychaimag.com/"><span style="font-size: large;">Dirty Chai</span>.</a> It's a fun gig and I really enjoy putting awesome writing and art out into the world.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.dirtychaimag.com/p/call-for-submissions.html"><span style="font-size: large;">We are currently accepting submissions for our Fall 2014 Issue : LOVE CHILD</span></a>. <span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17.940000534057617px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Send us your best fiction, creative nonfiction/essay, poetry, and visual art that represents something beautiful from unexpected sources, remnants of the past, going against the status quo—we want to see how you have used your creative freedom to make and learn from your memories and mistakes.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17.940000534057617px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br />
</span> <span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17.940000534057617px; white-space: pre-wrap;">View our Submission Manager <a href="https://dirtychai.submittable.com/submit"><span style="font-size: large;">HERE</span></a>.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17.940000534057617px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br />
</span> <span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17.940000534057617px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Our Summer Issue is full of awesome work: check it out:</span></span><br />
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<script async="true" src="//e.issuu.com/embed.js" type="text/javascript"></script>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-65471469277263411782014-08-20T11:58:00.003-05:002014-08-21T08:59:24.182-05:00Again, On Depression<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-j9cdBTSfFuE/U_TTQ9uR8mI/AAAAAAAAA7c/T4OZ8EH1FB8/s1600/depression.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-j9cdBTSfFuE/U_TTQ9uR8mI/AAAAAAAAA7c/T4OZ8EH1FB8/s1600/depression.jpg" height="257" width="400" /></a></div>
The thing about depression is that it never really goes away. Once you've had depression/been depressed (however you want to refer to it), that depression will always be a part of you.<br />
<br />
I've struggled with depression since I was a little girl. I was 5 years old and dreaming of the walls closing in on me, waking just before I was flattened into an Azia-pancake, gasping for air, crying and wishing I had never been born. Obviously, being only 5 years old, I had no idea that what I was feeling was a depression. I was in kindergarten! Depression has been with me for at least 23 years, sometimes that's a hard pill to swallow.<br />
<br />
I remember fighting with God at that early age, I was sad so sad. I thought that God couldn't possibly be real & if he was: I was clearly not one of his people because he didn't care about me at all. I would cry out to him, <i>Why did you put me on this planet? Why can't you just take me back? I don't want to be here. I wish I wasn't alive.</i> He never answered me, or so I thought. I'm sure it was his gentle hand that lead me through each day, Him that calmed my heart enough so that I was able to fall back asleep.<br />
<br />
That's some deep stuff for a little kid to battle, no wonder I was such a little weirdo. Seriously, I was <i>such a weirdo</i>. Growing up, it was the books that saved me. I read from dawn until dusk. Getting lost in the stories of other peoples lives. I even kept at notebook, writing before I could really write. <br />
<br />
I was reading at a college level in second grade and was pulled out of my classes for special lessons; which lead to lots & lots of bullying. Which made my depression worse. Already feeling strange, and sad, and then being teased for the one thing that truly brought me joy did not do much for my self confidence.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mhpvdAESs_U/U_X5S9BPTrI/AAAAAAAAA70/GOcGiY_9d5Y/s1600/aprilwheeler.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mhpvdAESs_U/U_X5S9BPTrI/AAAAAAAAA70/GOcGiY_9d5Y/s1600/aprilwheeler.jpg" height="251" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's terrible: but I've never identified with a fictional character, like I do with April Wheeler from Revolutionary Road.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I've <a href="http://www.aziadupontblog.com/2014/04/depression-as-idol_15.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">previously written about my tendency to make depression an idol</span> </a>& I've really gone out of my way to keep myself from being held hostage by this lingering cloud that seems to darken even the sunniest of days sometimes. That's exactly what I'm saying when I say depression never really leaves you: it's not something that can be cured, it can only be managed. And, sometimes, like all things, it wants to crawl out of it's cage and breathe. But, you must learn to tame the beast or it will destroy you.<br />
<br />
It's cyclic, depression-you feel good, feel great, feel really great, feel alright, feel off, feel sad, feel really freaking sad, feel okay, feel good, feel better than good, feel great, feel really great... and then back to the pits. Some stages last longer than others. You could go from feeling low to feeling great in one day, and stay great for days, weeks, months or vice versa. It's quite unpredictable. And, usually once you think you've figured out your "cycle", it goes and changes it up on you.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yOn_JJmcuJE/U_X4csxY-QI/AAAAAAAAA7s/J_G3ytTJorU/s1600/insaneasylum.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yOn_JJmcuJE/U_X4csxY-QI/AAAAAAAAA7s/J_G3ytTJorU/s1600/insaneasylum.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If it was the 1800's- we'd all be crazy. <a href="http://www.appalachianhistory.net/2008/12/125-reasons-youll-get-sent-to-lunatic.html">Source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Nowadays, there are a plethora of things you can do to manage all of the sadness: therapy, medication, service to others & now my go-to: constant communication with God. But, you have to realize something:<b> <span style="font-size: large;">with depression you will never be "cured"- if you are searching for a cure, just stop. The only thing you can do is learn how manage and minimize the depression.</span></b> <br />
<br />
Me? Well I take a small dose of Zoloft (because, let's be real: what kind of 5 year old has depression? Probably one whose brain doesn't quite work right), I stay in The Word & seek out communion with other believers, I openly discuss my struggles with my closest friends and family (Sarah (Atheist, I might add) & Garrett are my safest of places, among a few others), and I've decided it's time for me to give therapy one more shot because I feel I have a lot of work that needs to be done in a certain area that I can't seem to move past. I think abuse is like depression, it never really leaves you: you just have to learn to exist with it. I need therapy to help show me the tools needed to do this successfully.<br />
<br />
There is an awesome TEDtalk from Andrew Solomon called "Depression: The Secret We Share" - Sarah sent this to me back in January and it really brought a unique perspective to both managing depression and understanding that it's okay to stay on medication for life.<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" mozallowfullscreen="" scrolling="no" src="https://embed-ssl.ted.com/talks/andrew_solomon_depression_the_secret_we_share.html" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
- one of my favorite lines from the talk is <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><i>"<span class="talk-transcript__fragment" data-time="1551043" id="t-1551043" style="background-color: #f7f7f7; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 21px;">Shutting out the depression strengthens it.</span><span style="background-color: #f7f7f7; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="talk-transcript__fragment" data-time="1553607" id="t-1553607" style="background-color: #f7f7f7; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 21px;">While you hide from it, it grows.</span><span style="background-color: #f7f7f7; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="talk-transcript__fragment" data-time="1556887" id="t-1556887" style="background-color: #f7f7f7; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 21px;">And the people who do better</span><span style="background-color: #f7f7f7; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="talk-transcript__fragment" data-time="1559747" id="t-1559747" style="background-color: #f7f7f7; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 21px;">are the ones who are able to tolerate the fact</span><span style="background-color: #f7f7f7; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="talk-transcript__fragment" data-time="1562346" id="t-1562346" style="background-color: #f7f7f7; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 21px;">that they have this condition.</span><span style="background-color: #f7f7f7; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="talk-transcript__fragment" data-time="1563968" id="t-1563968" style="background-color: #f7f7f7; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 21px;">Those who can tolerate their depression</span><span style="background-color: #f7f7f7; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="talk-transcript__fragment" data-time="1566438" id="t-1566438" style="background-color: #f7f7f7; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 21px;">are the ones who achieve resilience."</span></i></span><br />
<br />
But, that is exactly it: don't shut it out: but don't make it an idol-- just acknowledge, do what you can to manage and be strengthened through it. I know that I would not be the person I am today without realizing my need for God. I know that isn't the case for everyone, as I have many Atheist friends. But, I couldn't imagine dealing with this hole in my heart, without having God to ask for peace and strength. There is this song that is often my anthem on my hard days: I will rage and cry and feel joy while I listen to it:<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">There are days that nothing works. Where the "Yellow Wallpaper" seems like a reality. But, it's just a phase. It will pass. Sometimes I have to fake it, smile, and go through the motions. Because, soon enough the cycle will begin and I will be fine.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I've asked this before: but, Dear Readers: do any of you struggle with depression? Or know someone who does? What do you do to manage the rain clouds? </span> </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-60120797450734333162014-07-22T14:38:00.002-05:002014-07-22T14:43:24.877-05:00WAR FANTASY I have this fantasy and it is the same every time.<br />
<br />
Somehow, all of the people in the world are all in the Middle East, or maybe we are in Africa somewhere, or South America (most recently we were all in Gaza).<br />
<br />
Sadly, there is usually a lot of blood and smoke.<br />
<br />
All of the women stand together in a line with their children, holding hands and they say THIS NEEDS TO END. THIS VIOLENCE NEEDS TO END.<br />
<br />
And slowly, the men come together and join the women.<br />
<br />
Everyone nods in acknowledgement, they smile, they shake hands, they <b>join</b> hands.<br />
<br />
And all of the fighting stops.<br />
<br />
But, this will never happen. 1) because (obviously) getting all of the worlds population in one place is basically impossible and 2) even more impossible is getting everyone on board with choice:<br />
<br />
Choice to follow God in the way they choose.<br />
Choice to marry whomever they want.<br />
Choice to dress how they see fit.<br />
Choice on whether or not to have a child.<br />
Choice on who should lead the government.<br />
<br />
CHOICE CHOICE CHOICE.<br />
<br />
We don't want to let people choose, we want to tell them what they should choose- and when they don't choose what we want, we destroy them (both figuratively and literally.)<br />
<br />
I know the many reasons for war are much more complicated than what the above touches on (for instance: POWER MONEY MONEY POWER)- but is it?<br />
<br />
What is all of this fighting for? <br />
<br />
When will enough be enough?<br />
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I just don't understand.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/tPfzN6B3nj8" width="420"></iframe></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-29581724002550150892014-07-16T12:09:00.003-05:002014-07-16T12:09:21.999-05:00Something Beautiful For YOUWanted to quickly share this because it's too beautiful not to share. <br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/GXoZLPSw8U8" width="560"></iframe>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-44506254579259093702014-07-04T06:00:00.000-05:002014-07-04T06:00:00.659-05:00I'm Kinda Betty Crocker: Coffee Creamer & Protein Balls<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
It's been raining a lot in Iowa lately. And after a winter like the one we had, I'm not exactly happy about it. Typically, I'm the type that loves the rain. But, I feel like I've been stuck indoors for the greater part of the last 10 months and I want some fresh air, sunshine and a TAN. Yes, a freaking tan would make me extremely happy right now. Since complaining about the weather is probably one of the most annoying things someone can do, I will stop and move onto something positive about being stuck indoors all.of.the.time:</div>
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Plenty of time to be in the kitchen! I've been baking up a storm this past week. I actually perfected a ridiculously healthy lactation/brewers yeast bar that trumps <a href="http://www.aziadupontblog.com/2014/06/brewers-yeast-bars.html" target="_blank">my previous recipe</a>: I'll be sharing that soon. </div>
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Today I'm sharing with you two recipes: one for homemade coffee creamer and one for protein balls: a staple in my household.</div>
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Why make coffee creamer when you can just buy the ridiculously delicious stuff from the grocery store? Well, unlike the stuff at the store: when you make creamer yourself- you have CONTROL over the type of ingredients you are putting into your body. There isn't a plethora of additonal additives and dyes, all the stuff that your body doesn't need. This recipe would work well a million ways, and I plan on experimenting more in the future with it and other flavors: I will report back to you on my progress. But, trust me: you won't feel like a Fatty McFatterson dumping a <strike>half cup</strike> couple tablespoons of this into your coffee. It's creamy, light and honestly, costs way freaking less then the stuff at the grocery store.</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bLobgn0UYfU/U7RM9PSrykI/AAAAAAAAA4c/iuX3RBu20vI/s1600/creamer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bLobgn0UYfU/U7RM9PSrykI/AAAAAAAAA4c/iuX3RBu20vI/s1600/creamer.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>:Recipe:</b></div>
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1 Cup Heavy Cream</div>
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1 Cup Milk </div>
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(I used unsweetened Almond Milk but you can use whatever you'd prefer)</div>
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2 tsp. Stevia</div>
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2 TBSP. Pure Vanilla Extract</div>
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<b>:Directions:</b></div>
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Gently mix together all ingredients and pour into a container of your choice and keep stored in the refrigerator.</div>
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<b>:Optional:</b></div>
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Add 1 tsp. Cinnamon (I used this and it's awesome)</div>
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or</div>
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Sub heavy cream for sweet condensed milk (will make a creamier consistency but will not be naturally sweetened)</div>
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Now, these protein balls taste like cookies I tell ya. They are amaze-balls. (Get it? Amaze<b>balls</b> because <b>PROTEIN BALLS</b>. GET IT? Get it?!) Anyway, this recipe is super easy and no bake: so you don't have to turn your oven on and get your house all toasty (for those of you who are actually experiencing summer weather that this would even be a concern of yours.) I have to usually make a double batch or make this 2-3 times a week because my family goes through them so quickly. Depending on the size you roll, this recipe yields about 25-30 balls when about 1 inch in diameter.</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kqju6h4xfB4/U7RNGrqd3ZI/AAAAAAAAA4k/5YtKn8Iq9zg/s1600/protienballs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kqju6h4xfB4/U7RNGrqd3ZI/AAAAAAAAA4k/5YtKn8Iq9zg/s1600/protienballs.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b>:Ingredients:</b></div>
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1 Cup Natural Peanut Butter</div>
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3/4-1 Cup Local Honey</div>
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3 Scoops Vanilla Protein Powder</div>
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1 Teaspoon Cinnamon</div>
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1 Cup Rolled Oats</div>
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1 Cup Sliced Almonds</div>
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3/4 Cup Dried Fruit<b>*</b></div>
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<b>:Directions:</b></div>
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In a saucepan, melt together peanut butter and honey.</div>
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Add all dry ingredients and mix well.</div>
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Roll into 1 inch balls.</div>
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Store in refrigerator.</div>
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<b>*</b>In this batch I used 2/4 cup of craisins + 1/4 cup of diced, dried apricots. Chocolate chips would also work well in this recipe.</div>
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Welp, hope you guys like the recipes and have a GREAT Fourth of July Weekend! </div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-48862815724867696672014-07-01T09:45:00.001-05:002014-07-01T09:51:30.604-05:00Hey, Your Liberal is ShowingI try not to write on this space when I'm angry. When revamping my online life a few years ago, that was one of my explicit rules: no blogging in the midst of anger. I haven't been perfect, but I've been trying very hard to follow that rule. <br />
<br />
But, I'm angry and there is no denying it. I'm angry about the SCOTUS decision. I'm so angry about Hobby Lobby that I spent most of my day yesterday upset about it, constantly worrying about the "free" world I've brought two daughters into, stressing about the man I hope my son becomes, angry with the blind support, and angry that as a Liberal Christian-- I don't have many who share my stance.<br />
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Seeing all this hate on the Internet towards Christians, who are shoving their "religion" down the throats of our countries women. Seeing the generalized statements that Christians hate women. And, on the other side of it, having to acknowledge that the waves of support I did see for the SCOTUS decision came from the Conservative Christians that I know.<br />
<br />
So, here I am, again, not sure what to do or what to say. <br />
<br />
You guys, there are Feminist Christians. NOT ALL CHRISTIANS are who you think they are. But, I'm beginning to see that most of us that are Liberal Christians are scared, so scared to acknowledge our Liberal stance because, both sides will find ways to break down your arguments. But, you know what? I don't care anymore. My liberal is showing and I am not tucking it in.<br />
<br />
Are you my friend and also an uber-conservative Christian who is happy about the SCOTUS decision? Great. We don't see eye to eye on this but I'm pretty sure we are still friends. I mean, I know I'm still your friend, can you still be mine?<br />
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Are you a non-believer who thinks all the terrible things in this country are the fault of the Christians? Well, shit. I'm pretty embarrassed for my fellow Christians, that we've lead you to feel this way. We also don't see eye to eye, but I'm pretty sure we are also still friends. And, hopefully through our friendship, you'll see that not all Christians fit into a little box.<br />
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So, now that we've gotten that out of the way- I'm going to talk about the absurdity of this decision and the implications it has for women in our <i>progressive</i> society.<br />
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For those of you who are unfamiliar, The Affordable Care Act (more commonly known in a condescending tone as Obamacare) mandated that 20 forms of birth control be included in employee medical coverage. (I am going to forgo discussing the absurdity that is tying ones medical coverage to their employer.) Now, Hobby Lobby doesn't really have any issue with all 20 forms of birth control, what they have a problem with is <strike>women controlling their bodies</strike> 4 forms that they believe are abortion-aids. (Key words there: <i>they believe</i>.) These for forms consists of IUD's (intro-uterine devices) and Plan B, more commonly known as the morning after pill.<br />
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Now, if I have done my research correctly, <a href="http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/06/30/morning-after-iuds/11768653/" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Hobby Lobby will still be extending coverage to the 16 forms of birth control they deem acceptable: birth control pills.</span></a> If anyone has any research to the contrary, let me know.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I digress. So, what is Hobby Lobby's issue with these other forms of Birth Control? They keep eggs from implanting into the lining of a woman's uterus and so this to them equals an abortion. Now, I am no medical expert, <span style="font-size: large;">b<a href="http://www.protectfamiliesprotectchoices.org/toolkit/ACOG%20Perspective.pdf" target="_blank">ut I do know that 70% of fertilized eggs do not implant into the uterine wall anyway</a></span>. IUD's are a form of birth control that keeps a woman's uterine wall thin so that it isn't vialble to carry a pregnancy. The Morning After Pill brings on a woman's period before anything has been implanted into the uterus, so that she is not able to get pregnant. <span style="font-size: large;"> <a href="http://www.webmd.com/women/guide/plan-b" target="_blank">If a woman is already pregnant (aka implantation has already occurred) the morning after pill will not work</a></span>. I'd like to point out a keyword here: WOMAN.<br />
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A woman should have the choice to use whichever form of birth control she deems appropriate for her body. The woman may have this womb, but God entrusted that womb to her. What she decides to do with her womb, is between her and God. God gave this WOMAN the choice to care for HER BODY in the way SHE DEEMS appropriate. <br />
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This is not a victory against the Obama Administration. This is not a victory for Religious Freedom.<br />
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<b>This is an attack on women. </b><br />
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And the Pandora's Box that will be opened thanks to this incredibly dangerous ruling will have severe implications for us all.<br />
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Women, don't you see? Don't you care?<br />
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I just, I'm so angry.<br />
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And you should be too.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-44458158982848313982014-06-30T09:14:00.002-05:002014-06-30T09:14:41.535-05:00Around The Web!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I haven't done a link collection in awhile, so to brighten up your Monday, I thought I'd share of few of the things that I'm loving from around the internet lately:</div>
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This video, You Are Awesome by Camilla Sparksss makes me want to write all of the things:<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//player.vimeo.com/video/71832655?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe> <br />
<a href="http://vimeo.com/71832655">Camilla Sparksss — You Are Awesome</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/barbaralehnhoff">Barbara Lehnhoff</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.<br />
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Arts.Mic compiled a list of <a href="http://mic.com/articles/90453/14-brilliant-pieces-of-literature-you-can-read-in-the-time-it-takes-to-eat-lunch" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">14 Brilliant Pieces of Literature You Can Read in the Time it Takes to Eat Lunch</span></a> and even included links to read the works for FREE!<br />
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I love DrunkHistory and this is hilarious:<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="376" mozallowfullscreen="" src="http://www.funnyordie.com/embed/2b68dc4d5f" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="448"></iframe><br />
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<a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/2b68dc4d5f/drunk-history-vol-3-featuring-danny-mcbride-from-drunk-history-danny-mcbride-derekwaters-jen-kirkman-and-jeremykonner" title="from Drunk History, Danny McBride, Derekwaters, Jen Kirkman, JeremyKonner, and Live Funny or Die">Drunk History vol. 3 - Featuring Danny McBride</a> from <a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/drunkhistory">Drunk History</a> <iframe allowtransparency="true" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" src="http://www.facebook.com/plugins/like.php?app_id=138711277798&href=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.funnyordie.com%2Fvideos%2F2b68dc4d5f%2Fdrunk-history-vol-3-featuring-danny-mcbride-from-drunk-history-danny-mcbride-derekwaters-jen-kirkman-and-jeremykonner&send=false&layout=button_count&width=150&show_faces=false&action=like&height=21" style="border: none; height: 21px; overflow: hidden; vertical-align: middle; width: 90px;"></iframe></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://midnightbreakfast.com/never-write/" target="_blank">Never Write From a Place of Despair</a> </span>by Erika Anderson over at Midnight Breakfast.<br />
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Because we need to talk about this: I have not read <a href="http://www.amazon.com/God-Gay-Christian-Biblical-Relationships/dp/1601425163" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Matthew Vines book, God and The Gay Christain</span></a> but I can't wait to get my hands on a copy.<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/gmp6lLct-fQ" width="560"></iframe><br />
You can read the video transcript <a href="http://www.upworthy.com/there-are-6-scriptures-about-homosexuality-in-the-bible-heres-what-they-really-say?c=huf1" target="_blank">here</a><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span> <span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.scarymommy.com/whats-so-hard-about-covering-up-to-breastfeed-in-public/" target="_blank">What's Hard About Covering Up to Breastfeed</a>?</span> is an article I wish I had written myself. Even if you are a male/don't breastfeed/breastfeed: everyone needs to read this.<br />
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Totes fangirling over this new Mockingjay Teaser Trailer:<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/7dCB2U9lX48" width="560"></iframe><br />
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What have you been loving on this world wide web of ours? Share with me!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-29236442304523312272014-06-27T09:47:00.003-05:002014-06-27T09:47:52.074-05:00The Innovation of LonelinessWatch this:<br />
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I came across the above video <strike>ironically</strike> on my Facebook mini-feed. I'm going to go ahead and forego the skepticism I typically display when viewing statistical findings (Polling a small portion of the population and using that as a basis for the entire population? Um, no thanks.) and humor the content in this video because,<br />
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1. It's fascinating</div>
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2. It's my blog and I do what I want </div>
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(Ten points to you if you read that in Cartman's "<i>whateva whateva I do what I want</i>" voice.)</div>
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I feel like I have discussed this feeling with so many different people at varying times in my life. All of them different people, in different seasons and life stages, with varying world views- yet, they/we all suffered from a common ailment: loneliness. In an age of Facebook, SnapChat, Instagram, Twitter, etc etc-- they all (myself included) have asked the same million-dollar question: <span style="font-size: large;"><i>How can I be lonely when I have so many different ways to keep in touch with people?</i></span><br />
<br />
This video really highlights the answer to that million dollar question: <b>we are building a ton of surface relationships and not going any deeper than that.</b> It's when you dive into the depths (and heaven forbid, actually get to know someone so well that they can sometimes disappoint you or say things that may even upset you) with people that true connections are made. The kind of connections that make you feel like maybe you aren't so alone in this world.<br />
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If people are becoming the edited versions of themselves (the instant message & texting conversations, the tweets, the status updates, the carefully selected filtered profile photo) that they carefully present to the world- you get a glossed over version of the real person. You don't see them when they are run down, or sad, or contemplating upping their dose of Zoloft because suddenly they are feeling a little weird again.<br />
<br />
When we step away from the screens, it becomes scary. There are no filters in real life, and even if you wear a mask, at some point, it will slip from your face: exposing the real you. And heaven forbid if someone doesn't approve of the real you. It's one thing if you're removed from someone's friends list-- but to be ignored in real life- that can burn. And who wants to willingly step into the line of fire?<br />
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But, the fact remains that if you are lonely it's because too much of your connections of surface. <br />
<br />
Unless we go out of our way to dive below the surface, striping down to our birthday suit to go skinny dipping in that murky undercurrent with people, we will continue to be lonely because we aren't truly connecting. Even the self-proclaimed <strike>hipster</strike> "I hate everyone" person (you know the type, or maybe you're the type, I used to be the type) needs real connection. It is our human nature.<br />
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So, I guess what I'm proposing is this: let's all put ourselves out there a little more, okay? Let that freak flag fly without the worry that maybe the flag would look a little cooler with an Instagram filter applied- because, baby, you're beautiful and I want to get to know the real you.<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-60059169174575048322014-06-20T10:56:00.002-05:002014-06-20T10:56:35.353-05:00Brewer's Yeast BarsA big part of my day, now that I have a newborn at home, is spent nursing (AKA- breast feeding) my little lady. While I won't go into the amazing health benefits of breast feeding, because it can be a heated topic, I will say to those of you who are/have/plan on nursing your babe/s: WAY TO GO!<div>
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As beneficial as nursing is for both mother and child, like all great things, there are also setbacks. For instance, becoming an incredibly immobile watering hole. Like, seriously, I spend so many hours in my day on my butt while she gets her nutritional intake. But, I can luckily multi-task. I'm totally nursing as I type this. OH YEAH.</div>
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But, sometimes it's nice for Mama to get a break. Sometimes, Mama needs to go and see The Fault in Our Stars and have a Hard Cider with one of her blonde friends, or something. Building up a healthy milk supply and pumping is pretty important in order to do such things.</div>
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A great, great source to use if you want to <a href="http://breastfeeding.about.com/od/milksupplyproblems/a/Brewers-Yeast-And-Increasing-Breast-Milk-Supply.htm" target="_blank">increase milk supply is Brewer's Yeast</a>. Brewer's Yeast is extracted from the beer after the fermentation process (all the health benefits, but none of the fun part- alcohol). The yeast is dehydrated and made into various forms (powder, pellet, capsule, for example.) <a href="http://vitamins.lovetoknow.com/Health_Benefits_of_Brewers_Yeast" target="_blank">There are some amazing health benefits to Brewer's Yeast</a>, 2 Tablespoons packs in 7 grams of protein and it is a great source of the <a href="http://www.wholeliving.com/134086/benefits-b-vitamins" target="_blank">B Vitamins:</a></div>
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<ul>
<li>Folic Acid- which lowers the risk of heart disease, stroke and birth defects</li>
<li>B12- which may improve memory/sharpen you mentally</li>
<li>Niacin- which increases energy and is linked to DNA repair</li>
<li>Thiamine- which aids in digestion and promotes your immune system</li>
</ul>
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Yes, Brewer's Yeast is a super food! It is not just for use by lactating mothers, there are health benefits for everyone. Which, by the way, rocks. I started researching lactation cookies- and let me tell you- there are a ton of recipes out there. </div>
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I decided to use <a href="http://www.justmommies.com/blog/2013/02/the-best-damn-lactation-cookies-youll-ever-eat/" target="_blank">"The Best Damn Lactation Cookies You'll Ever Eat" from Just Mommies</a> as a guide. (Yes, the inclusion of the word damn is what sold me.) I changed a few things to make it healthier and I also decided to <a href="https://www.coconutsecret.com/coconuthealthsecrets2.html" target="_blank">add coconut because of all the health benefits</a> and dark chocolate because it's delicious. I also spread them out in a pan and made bars instead of cookies.</div>
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Here is my modified- healthier recipe. I'm calling them Brewer's Yeast Bars because I think everyone can eat them, and saying they are just for aiding lactation would probably greatly decrease the chance, of say, a man, eating the bars. They are kid approved (Abram and Eva loved them.) So, you know they are good!</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5uoTqp42_gk/U6RV-QW4xOI/AAAAAAAAA3Y/lk-pyt6PIhE/s1600/bars.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5uoTqp42_gk/U6RV-QW4xOI/AAAAAAAAA3Y/lk-pyt6PIhE/s1600/bars.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Ingredients:</span></b></div>
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3 Cups Old-Fashioned Oats</div>
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2 Cups Whole Wheat Flour</div>
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3/4 Cup Splenda Brown Sugar</div>
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1 tsp Salt</div>
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1 tsp Baking Soda (not powder)</div>
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1 tsp Cinnamon</div>
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3 Tablespoons Brewer's Yeast (the most important ingredient!)</div>
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1 Cup Dark Chocolate Chips</div>
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1/2 Cup Shredded Coconut</div>
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1 Cup Butter (Earth Balance is recommended)</div>
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4 TBSP Water</div>
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2 TBSP Ground Flax</div>
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1/2 Cup Apple Sauce</div>
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1 tsp Vanilla Extract</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Directions:</span></b></div>
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Mix together flax and water. Allow to sit for few minutes until the mixture thickens up. </div>
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In a separate bowl, cream together butter and brown sugar. </div>
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Add in the flax, apple sauce and vanilla extract.</div>
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In another bowl, mix together the flour, brewer's yeast, salt, baking soda and cinnamon.</div>
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Mix the dry ingredients and wet ingredients together.</div>
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Fold in the oats, coconut and dark chocolate.</div>
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Grease a 9x11 pan and press the mixture into the pan.</div>
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Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes or until a knife inserted into the middle comes out clean.</div>
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Viola! A delicious, healthy bar that everyone can enjoy! But, it also has the added benefits for nursing mothers!</div>
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I do plan on subbing the butter with a cup of solidified coconut oil in my next batch. I'll let you know if it works!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8717882825696553537.post-67415024029071617292014-06-18T10:07:00.001-05:002014-06-18T10:07:52.794-05:00My Life *is* Living ArtYesterday morning, I sat with my 2 youngest kids in bed and watched music videos for about a half an hour. With a newborn, I haven't had much time alone. Ideally, I'd like to wake up in the morning before the kids wake and get some time in the bible while I drink some coffee and then spend time doing a bit of writing (or reading submissions for <a href="http://www.dirtychaimag.com/" target="_blank">Dirty Chai</a>). But, due to the whole nursing-a-3-week-old-and-getting-up-a-few-times-a-night-thing, waking up early and getting any type of focused morning time hasn't really been an option. Not to mention, Eva and Abram both usually wake up before 7am (Can one of my children please like to sleep in? No? Fiiiiiiiine.) so morning "alone time" is limited to inhumanely early conditions. (My husband on the other hand gets up at the crack of dawn 80% of the time- I really admire this quality in him. For me? The struggle is real.)<br />
<br />
Anyway, as I was sitting there watching art in the form of music, I had this thought:<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"><i>There is so much art that I want to make.</i></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><i>But, so many hours of my day are spent not making art.</i></span></b><br />
<br />
I hate to admit it, but that makes me sad in many ways. Sad isn't a great word to use. Maybe more so, embarrassingly, it makes me unsatisfied and feel a bit like a fraud. How can I be a writer/identify myself as a writer when I'm not freaking writing?<br />
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But, then God spoke these words into my heart:<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span>
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><i>You are making art every day just by</i> <i>living.</i></span></b><br />
<br />
Are there a million projects I want to finish? (And start!) <b>YES.</b> But, it's just not the season of life I'm in. Just because I haven't published a book yet (I'm being optimistic here), does that mean I'm not a writer? <b>NO. </b><br />
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Right now, the most important thing I can be doing is living my life and being a good mother. It is through accepting this and listening to God that I know I am doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. I am being pruned and disciplined and, with all honesty, I'm very thankful for that. God has put these three little lives in my hands for a reason. I have much to teach them and I need to take care of them. <b>That is what I'm supposed to be doing right now.</b><br />
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Does that mean I give up on my art? My dreams? <b>NO FREAKING WAY.</b><br />
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But, it does mean that I need to have patience with myself. It means that I need to be on God's time and not on my own. It means that I need to use each day to grow myself and my children before I worry about my own "to-do" list.<br />
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I will write when I have the time. And, some days there will be more time than others and that is great. But, I'm not going to let the days where I feel like there is no time, allow me to feel sad, unsatisfied, or like I'm not a <i>real</i> writer. I'm going to see this life and this season for what it is: living art. My life is my art and the art that God has created in me. And, that is pretty freaking awesome.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13284720973335464231noreply@blogger.com3