You are NOT a SLUT (Women Empowering Women) - Pt.1

Let's talk about sluts, shall we?  Warning- I'm about to use this word a lot, so don't be alarmed.  The word has no power here.

A little less than two weeks ago, I read about a blonde woman in a pink top who walked through a University in Cairo and found herself the victim of sexual harassment.  

"This girl entered the university wearing an abaya (loose cloak) and then took it off in the faculty, and appeared with those clothes, that caused, in reality… the incident," University Dean Nassar was quoted.

Obviously had the woman not dressed so provocatively, she wouldn't have had to deal with these men. Clearly men are beasts who cannot control themselves when a pretty woman walks by.  Hopefully you could see the use of the sarcasm font in the last two sentences.

This happens to be the unfortunate reality that we are facing: there are many people who would blame the incident on the woman citing that men simply cannot control themselves.  Not only is this way of thinking dangerous, it is insulting to males and belittling to women.

She shouldn't have worn such a low cut shirt if she didn't want me to comment/touch/stare at her
breasts.
If her skirt wasn't so short, maybe the men wouldn't spend so much time trying to see under it.
If she didn't want to be objectified, she shouldn't have worn clothes that clung so tightly to her body.

These types of statements, that a woman is asking for it don't just happen overseas.  It's happening here in the USA too.  Re: Steuebeville Rape Case. Take a look at this list from Buzzfeed: 23 People Who Think The Steubenville Rape Victim is to Blame.  Do you see how many times the words "slut" and "whore" are used to describe the victim?  How she is repeatedly blamed for the cruelty of others?

Look at number 14 on the list, "I feel bad for the two young guys .... they did what most people in their position would have done."  Wait, what?  Most guys, when presented with a girl who drank too much (to the point of becoming comatose) would decide it would be fun to strip a girl down naked, take videos and photos of said girl, and do very serious atrocities to her and her body?  It's just in a man's nature?  I don't think so.

Let's move our focus away from the news, and look into celebrity culture.  We can't forget the most famous slut of all right now:



Oh Miley, you scandalous little nudist.  Our culture hates and loves you simultaneously, don't we?  Miley isn't the only scantily clad female celeb out there.  You can't find one that isn't almost nude, if not totally nude nowadays.  To be an American Female Celebrity- there is one rule: Clothing Optional.

But this isn't a new-trend.  At least not for Millennials.  In 2000, I was in the eighth grade when I gave a speech on the over-sexualization of pop-stars and the effects it was having on young girls.  My visual aid?  Many photographs on the overhead projector (who remembers them?) and a recording of Britney Spears' performance of I'm a Slave for You at the MTV Awards.  Millennials have been spoon-fed this hyper sexed up standard of women for most, if not all of their (our) lives.

I'm going to ask you to hold that thought.  We will come back to these stories later on.

For those of us who are my age or older, think back to your high school or college years.  Maybe even as far back as middle school.  Can you recall someone saying (or you yourself saying) that someone was a "slut."  Now, think back to the reasons that person was being called a slut-- was it how they were dressed?  Or maybe they had more sexual partners than deemed "socially acceptable."  Furthermore, I want you to think about the situation and switch the girl to a boy (ie- tight shirt that maybe revealed he had nice muscles, or maybe he has lengthy list of sexual partners), would he have been celebrated or shamed?

Who wants to put their money on the man being celebrated?

The infamous pudding boobs from Now and Then.
Image Source.

I'm going to get personal with you for a few minutes and share some of my own experiences.  I became a woman in the 6th grade (yes, I was 11 years old when I "flowered.")  That following summer before the seventh grade, my chest went from nonexistent/flat-as-board to a C-cup.  You can imagine how awesome seventh grade was for me.  (note: again, sarcasm font.)  Rumors of my bra stuffing were prevalent.  My favorite rumor was the one about a boy named Spencer who had "accidentally" spilled chocolate milk on my shirt which resulted in my boobs deflating on the spot.  Because I had big boobs, never mind that I hadn't even kissed a boy, I was a slut.  A slut who stuffed her bra.

About halfway through the year, other students started to find better things to talk about (I mean, there were kids having actual sex! That made for much meatier gossip), other girls started to get boobs (Nicole!  I'm looking at you if you're reading this!  You too Ashley!), and I had swimming during my gym hour- clearly it was not feasible that I stuffed my bra, my boobs were still there, alive and well, when I was in the water.

In college, there were girls who didn't like me.  What do you think their go-to derogatory term would be?  You guessed it, slut.  A few years back, these two girls had "friended" me on Facebook.  During the time they had known and seriously disliked me, I was an Atheist.  Since parting ways, I had become a Christian.  One of the girls posted this hilarious e-card a few days after my ever-forgiving nature accepted their friend requests:

Image Source.

I'm not stupid.  I knew they were having a go at me.  But the best part?  I was never a slut.  I have never been a slut.  I will never be a slut.  I was annoyed, but a married woman with two kids.  I mean, how much time can you really dwell on such things?

I will admit it didn't feel good.  Even when things are untrue or unjustified, it still hurts when people treat you that way.

I've also been the one to dish it out.  When I was 19 years old, and found myself cheated on, what do you think I called the other woman?  Whore.  When I got in a fight with a very good friend of mine who was very open sexually, what do you think I shouted at her?  Slut.  And to think, during that time I was a self-proclaimed feminist.  Despicable.

It's embarrassing.  And I'm ashamed.  Especially now that I am a Christian.  To have placed such judgement on other women makes me sick to my stomach.

Which makes me wonder why, we, as women, continue to call other women such derogatory names?  I think of that line in the movie Mean Girls, where after complete pandemonium, the female students have been huddled into the gym for discussion and punishment.  Their teacher Mrs. Norbury says:

 "You all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores."

Amen, Mrs. Norbury!  Women divided is women weakened.  We must empower one another.  I've seen too many girls cry because of this.  And, often times, the person belittling them was another woman.  The ultimate betrayal.

We are going to stop there for now, but I have some questions for you:

Have you ever been called a slut?  How did it make you feel?  Have you ever called someone else a slut?  Have you ever found yourself blaming the victim?  How do you feel about Millennial female celebrities and their lack of modesty?

***
This post may seem incomplete, and that's because it is.  This is Part One in a Three Part Series.  
Part One
Part Two
Next week I will be expanding on the hypersexed cultural and the reasons behind it.  Hope to see you soon!