Well, remember when I said we were kind of sitting in the middle of a poo-sandwich on Monday afternoon?
It turns out, it wasn't poo.
And it wasn't a sandwich.
It was the beginning of a pretty terrible week for my family and I. I'm not quite ready to share with the blogsphere what transpired quite yet, because it has everything to do with my hubby and really nothing to do with me // but for those of you that are married know- what happens to one partner, happens to the unit -- and I'm a SAHM (Stay At Home Momma) --- So, you could probably deduce what this could pertain to given those facts.
Let's just say that the quiet life I was questioning on Wednesday, within 24 hours became full of noise, chaos and uncertainty.
I am happy to say that through this ridiculous situation there have been quite a few silver linings/positive things to emerge. A big one is that within 12 hours of one door closing, another much better, incredible door began the process of opening. And for me, my character had been revealed to me- God has definitely shown me how much I've changed and matured.
One thing about me-- my tongue was sharp. I was easily lead by anger, and I can say with embarrassment and truth that I was one of the cruelest, most petty people that I knew. I've realized that anger walks hand in hand with deep, untreated depression. And I was a constant battlefield of hate: the Devil loved me. He had a hayday with how terrible I could be. I really think he believed he'd have me until the day I died.
Well, boy was he wrong! I've actually mastered and practiced the art of tact, silence and GRACE.
I'm still strong and loyal-- but I'm not mean. Just because someone I care about has been deeply, deeply wronged-- does not give me the right to put the wrongdoers in their place. That is not my job. My job is to be supportive to my loved ones, to smile and take care of business for my children, and to pray, pray, pray-- for guidance, wisdom, and for everyone that is involved.
I'm not perfect. I'm far from it. And, like everyone-- I have my critics. I have people in my life that want to be in it for the wrong reasons, to spy, or to try and find my weakspots. I have people in my life that still see me as the mistakes I have made, and not the woman I have become because of those mistakes. I know there are people who even find it laughable that I have come to Christ. I feel such saddness for that, but what can you do? Am I supposed to see myself the way they see me? Cry my eyes out and steep into another depression. No way!
Never, ever be afraid to admit your faults or past wrongs--
we are all sinners. We all sin every day in so many ways. But do not
let those things define you. God did not put us on this Earth to hate,
or despise, or to judge one another. Leave the judging to him. Be in
tune with your spiritual life and live a life of integrity-- because at
the end of the day-- you have to look in the mirror and be at peace with
the mind behind those eyes. Your thoughts and actions, your motives-- those things are between you and God. You can't hide the truth from yourself or him.
I have had a terrible and incredible week. I was able to witness growth in my character and the resilience of my husband. I also learned about the power of God and how one should not take his signs lightly. Trust your gut-- that's God.
I know this post was all over the place, but there are just so many thoughts in this head of mine. Things happen and it really makes you pause and look around, evaluating everything around you.
Thursday evening, Jason Gray was supposed to be performing a show that our church has spent an incredible amount of time promoting, but "coincidentally" he was unable to attend due to a vocal injury and last minute (as in night before last minute) Jimmy Needham was sent in his place-- the artist whose song was on repeat in our house and in our vehicle-- the song getting us through this dark time.