Something about GIANT BEASTS

I have this continual problem of grossly underestimating the strain of something on another thing.  (How's that for vague?  Ha.)  But, in all seriousness, I have 6 posts in "draft" mode - like Part 2 of You Are Not A Slut : Women Empowering Women (You can read Part 1 here.)  So, where in holy Hannah Montana are these posts?  Well, hmm... see-- we moved this past weekend.  And this move happens to make itself into the "things I've underestimated as to straining of other things" category.

We moved from one city in Iowa to another.  Not a big deal, right?  Apparently moving an entire household, while 35 weeks pregnant takes a lot more than I had assumed it would, and alas, find myself insanely exhausted by the end of the day.  I am embarrassed to admit (but also not as bothered by this as I typically would be) that I haven't written a single word (creatively that is) in almost 2 weeks.

Did I forget to mention that I have a rare condition in which my baby is a giant beast?   If you are good at connecting the dots, if baby is a giant beast that means I am also a giant beast.  (Really, I'm not making this up: it's called polyhydramnios.)  At my 34 week check-up, my OB measured my stomach and let me know that I in fact was measuring 43 weeks (which explains the 'Oh!  You must be ready to pop!' comments I hear about 45 times a day.)  This fact caused her a bit of distress, so she sent me straight to ultrasound to measure my little giant peanut.  Yep, she was measuring 3 weeks ahead and was already a whopping 7 pounds.  Did I mention I still have a month left of this pregnancy?

All I can focus on is trying to get this house unpacked, taking care of my children (while constantly out of breath and, well, slightly really freaking irritable: YAY HORMONES!), and not trying to stress myself out that something may be wrong with my giant beautiful daughter.

So, I promise that I will post these 6 drafts soon.  I've got baby brain like crazy.  And, since I'm super attractive right now, can I get the beautiful people pass?

I graduated High School 10 years ago?!

On Friday I received information about my 10 year class reunion (High School, groovy baby, yeah!).  Anyway, I've never been swayed either way on whether or not I would attend.  I didn't particularly hate high school.  In fact, looking back, it was pretty fun.  I had a lot of friends, can't really recall any huge drama or issue that I had with anyone.  I mean, I'm sure I wasn't everyone's cup of tea, naturally, but I think for the most part I was liked and got along with everyone?  I also smoked a lot of pot back then, so it's a bit fuzzy HA.  In all seriousness though, as much as I complained about "hating" high school while I was in high school (that whole, "I can't wait to escape this place!" mentality-- it really had waaaaay less to do with my actual high school and way more to do with my home situation) - I look fondly on my memories and the people I knew back then.

That being said, I graduated with a little over 600 people, and minus the summer after my freshman year of college, I have maybe been back "home" 10 times in the last 10 years.  Add to that, that my group of girlfriends (is the proper verbiage clique?  I feel like that negates a negatives undertone, so maybe not) have all stayed in the area of our high school or moved back after college and have remained pretty dang close.  And, well, I just kind of float in and out from time to time.  I'm not sure why though, because a lot of those girls have known me for a long time, and we still love each other.  I'm just, on a different path?  I'm always on a different path I guess.  Ha.


Anyway, seeing people would be fun and not problematic in anyway-- but I haven't seen most of these 600 people in 10 years... and being in one place for 5 hours where I may be forced into small talk sounds pretty terrible.  AND I AM AWFUL WITH NAMES.  How in the hell am I supposed to remember 600 peoples names?  I, unfortunately, do not have my high school yearbook (another blog post for another day) so I can' really "review" my yearbook either.

Holy anxiety.  (The Zoloft will be strong in this one. HAHA)

Not to mention I have a very, very shallow reason for not wanting to commit to attending to the reunion: the reunion is a month after my due date!

Unless this baby comes early, I will be 4 weeks post partum

Thinking of attending my reunion with a flabby, post partum body (and giant breast-feeding boobies - haha I said boobies) sounds terrible.  I don't want to look like a hot mess.  I guess, when you picture your high school reunion- you hope to put your best foot (or in my case- BOD) forward.  And, that's another thing- the girls in my group of friends in high school were freaking hotties.  One will be pregnant, but she'll look great because she's a petite little thing and will have that whole pregnancy glow thang going on.  The rest: hot HOT bombshells.

In reality, the reunion is from like 5:30pm-9pm at a bar in Minneapolis.  Realistically, I could probably dress myself for the 3.5 hours and look okay.  SPANX OH YEAH.  Maybe I'm making excuses?  I didn't care what I looked like in high school (I rarely wore make up, came to school with wet hair, wore giant hemp necklaces and bracelets) so I don't know why I care now.

Stupid, stupid.

Have any of you attended your class reunions?  What was it like?  Is skipping it a mistake?  Or is it really no big deal?

Dirty Chai & I'm HUGE

Last weekend, the Winter issue of Dirty Chai went live on ISSUU-- take a peak!  There is some great work that I think you will enjoy:

And again, we are open for submissions.  (Reading period started March 5th and will go until May 5th-- hopefully publishing before Baby #3 is born.)  We've decided to fore go a theme this time around and I'm excited at what kind of work lifting that "restriction" will bring.  A few times during our last reading period, I had to decline some seriously amazing writing just because it didn't fall in line with the theme.  It's a hard thing to do when you see quality work-- and I just let some of it walk away! (Wahhhh!)

So, if you've been wanting to wet your feet in small press publication- think about submitting!  You can find the submission guidelines here.
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As for other news, things on the home front are going great.  It's hard to believe I still have to get through all of March, April and May before this baby comes.  I can't imagine my stomach growing any larger than it already has.  I've been helping out some friends of ours the last few weeks, watching their 18 month old son 3 days a week (this was the last week he'd be coming over) and yesterday, the Dad commented that his wife's stomach was (as big as mine is now) just before she gave birth.  Just to give you an idea of how huge I already am.  HA.

But, I am also in no hurry for time to pass quickly.  I've found myself a bit - emotional while playing with Abram.  I keep reminding myself that these last couple months are the last that him and I have together just the two of us.  With Garrett at work during the day, and Eva in Kindergarten-- Abram and I have the weekdays to play and snuggle and laugh.  Pretty soon our days will be filled with the company of a little lady and my time will again be split.

Bringing life into the world is such an interesting, complicated, emotional thing.  Parenting is single handedly the most simultaneously satisfying and challenging experience I've had.  I've learned so much about myself, my patience, and the capabilities of my heart from these little people, than from anything else in my life.

Ah, I'm so full of hormones.  HA.

Wow, What a Year!

2013 was quite the year for my family and I- a few big things:

Garrett and I finally got married after 8 years of being together, loving each other, having Eva, driving each other bonkers and not appreciating each other, breaking up, finding our way back to one another, having Abram and moving out of our college town to a new place.

Abram turned 1 in July!  We had a fun family day!  Spent the day at a local kiddie pool, had homemade pizza and cake- it was perfect!

Eva started Kindergarten!  Twice!  Ha.  We moved about a month into the school year so she had to switch schools, but she wasn't phased!  She is loving school, and it's so neat when she comes home after learning something new- how excited she gets!

We went totally and completely BROKE. Long story short, but the terrible company my husband worked for before this job, finally took their unprofessional business practices and ridiculous policies too far, which resulted in my husband being forced to resign.  We had NOTHING, for 3 months.  Without the help from our church and friends, we would have starved.  But, God is faithful- not only did the State of Minnesota look into my husbands job loss and deemed it an unlawful (they had to pay us money) but the day after this entire incident started, my husband was contacted by a recruiter, and now has an incredible job!

Which was the precursor of us moving from Minnesota to Cedar Falls, Iowa!  It wasn't  too far of a move, but it is weird being somewhere different!  I do really enjoy this town and the people we've met!  We are truly blessed!

Dirty Chai published its first issue!  And opened up submissions for it's second issue!

We found out we are expecting our *third* child in May!  I'm just about 19 weeks today- almost halfway done!

2013 was also the year that my Atheist views were completely eradicated from my mind and heart.  I teetered on the fence for a very long time, there was a lot of fear, anxiety and resentment in my heart- and honestly, if you base anything about Christianity on the "Christians" in main stream media, you won't find yourself very compelled to learn more about the faith.  But, I met real Christian people, actually spent time reading and discussing the Bible, and discovered God in my heart.  What a blessing!

2013 was a busy, crazy year!  It makes me so excited to see what 2014 has in store for us!  Tomorrow I will share my "resolutions" or as I like to see it- goals for the year.

How was 2013 for you?

I Need LESS: Cutting Down on Social Networking

So, I've had a strange week.

It all started after we went back to New Ulm for the weekend and attended a dinner party with some of our dear friends.  That drive home with Garrett was very scenic and full of a lot of beautiful music and quiet time (somehow our children slept 3/4 of the 4 hour drive- which NEVER happens.)  We had a lot of discussion and time to just be in our heads and reflect.

For the last couple of years, I've felt a stirring inside of me.  It has been mostly creative and character-driven.  Character, as in my own.  Building a better one, that is, and growing as a person both mentally and spiritually (for myself and my children) and just becoming the type of person who chooses her words wisely, doesn't cause harm, and just peacefully exists.  I can say with 100% confidence I never gossip about anyone, or pass on my negative thoughts about people either.  Creatively, my brain is just constantly going going going! with ideas and this intense need to share art, love, life, etc with as many people as possible.  The last two years have produced a lot of writing and other various projects. 

After I married Garrett, I changed my Twitter handler, this blog, my Instagram account and my Pinterest account to my name- everything was aziadupont.  (Clearly, I loved my new name! Ha!) That spring, I also had created my THIRD Facebook account.  (I hate Facebook, but I'm terrible at keeping in touch with people, so I eventually come back out of guilt and laziness-- it's a lot easier to update your status than plan time to call or email 200 people).  But, you guys- MY NAME was all over everything.

I don't know why, but that started to eat at me.

Before this, I had an "internet persona"- a small bit of anonyminty- I was "aziasaidwhat" on the internet.  Not my entire freaking name.  Plastered everywhere.  My entire freaking name on every little thing I did.

Something had to change.  So, I deleted Facebook.  UGH.  It was instant relief.  Every time I logged in, it was just ALL THESE PEOPLE'S LIVES RIGHT THERE for me to see.  And, selfishly- my inbox was always full of messages from people seeking advice and it really started to bother me.  I don't have the answers for anyone right now and I understand and appreciate that I am easy to talk to.  But, I'm in a transitional period myself, and though I want to help people- I need to help myself first  And being clouded constantly with other peoples struggles was taking a toll on me emotionally.

In all seriousness, I'm struggling HARD right now with my relationship with my mother.  This has been a consistent roller-coaster of a relationship most of my life, so it isn't anything new.  But with social media, there is another element added-- my own mother had me blocked on Facebook and was friends with people I went to high school and college with.  Isn't that fucking weird?  Yeah, I thought it was weird too.  And annoying.  So, every time I'd log on- something would remind me of that and just that weird spot in my heart that has hurt for more years than I can remember would start to ache and I wouldn't be myself for the rest of the day.  Stupid.

It was assaulting me mentally.  I've gone out of my way to become a better person, and I have drama with my MOTHER.  I mean how freaking ridiculous is that?  It makes me feel terrible.  Granted, I know it's not "me" but it doesn't make the pain go away.  Not to mention, how can I give advice to people when I'm randomly breaking down in tears in the middle of the day?  Goodbye Facebook.

I then changed my IG and Pinterest handles.  I took my blog information off of both accounts.  I took my name off of the account as well.  I made IG private.

Relief.

Now, not just any person can just Google my name and see personal photographs of me (IG) and the weird shit I post on Pinterest.

I've decided to keep Twitter and this blog with my name on it.  I can control the content that goes up on both spaces- and both of the spaces are mostly used for networking purposes anyhow.

I've also started a mighty large project-- and all of these social networks are distracting!  I need to focus on myself, my family, and my projects.

Life is too short you guys.  We don't need all these internet persona's and so much of ourselves online.

And for me, I need more authenticity, anonymity- and less of everything.

1 Sentence Blog Post

Days like today, remind me why I wrote the essay, "I don't love you like I don't hate tomatoes."

I Get Older- They Stay The Same Age!

I think I'm going to need about thirteen cups of coffee today.  Anyone with kids think there is some sort of universal conspiracy on Monday involving the hyper-activity of our children?  Not only am I bit sluggish on Monday's-- my children seem to be even more ADHD excited about life than usual.  But, maybe this Monday will be different, considering they are both still sleeping and we had an incredibly busy weekend.

I went to my first Minnesota Twins Game yesterday at Target Field.  It was just as beautiful as everyone had said.  I even made sure to have a cold beer and hot dog just to make the experience as authentic as possible.  I had a blast playing with the kids, hanging out with Garrett and our family friend, (and Eva's Godfather) Luke-- but seriously you guys- Baseball is not my thing.  I clapped when the crowd clapped-- but sheesh.  I didn't even realize we had lost/thought they were winning.  HA!  Don't hate.  In college, before I was pregnant with Eva, I lived in a house with 5 other people.  They would pile in 20 of our friends to watch baseball around our big screen-- and despite how much I enjoyed the company of everyone who hung out, I never stuck around  because BASEBALL IS BORING.  There, I said it.  I'd definitely go to another Twins game sometime, for the experience-- but basically, it doesn't hold a candle to Vikings Football (win or lose!) or MN Wild Hockey.

Anyway, things have been crazy around here ya'll.

I had a scare last week!

(Not that kind of scare)-- Garrett was offered a job in Mankato and we were so close to moving back there (toured a house to rent-close) that it seemed inevitable we'd have to move back.  What's so bad about Mankato, you ask?  Nothing.  If you are 21 years old (or have the mindset of a 21 year old) and are one of two people:

get this t-shirt here

1- A self-proclaimed hipster who bikes around town with their iPod ear-buds in, listening to some obscure band whom they discovered even before they were an official band, drinking import beer, and pretending they are smarter than the average population because their top 3 favorite TV shows are from British Television.

kind of the same scenario

 2- An alcoholic who moved to the town freshman year of college, but couldn't make it to class on time so they were put on suspension and found a job delivering pizza for Dominoes and slingin' some P-O-T on the side.  This unfortunate event happened 9 years ago and he still hasn't returned to finish his Health and P.E. degree-- but guess what?!  They're getting older but the girls they're sleeping with stay the same age!  What's not to love?

Okay, okay.  I get it.  Not everyone in Mankato is like that.  And, unlike New Ulm, they have a mall and THREE FRO-YO places (we don't have even ONE fro-yo place.)-- but nothing about that town entices me whatsoever.  Luckily, we decided to "X" out that idea.  (Disaster Averted!)  But, that doesn't mean we might not still be moving....

Can't tell you about that yet.  ;)   

"Behind every great...."

The common saying goes something like this...

Behind every great man is a great woman.

But, you know what?  What about the women?  This is the age of equality, isn't it?  Partnership?  I have to say, behind every great woman is a great man.

I've realized the love I receive from my husband is incredible.  He puts up with so much from me, but his love never falters.

He's loved me through depression.

He's loved me through crazy.  Not just crazy, CRAZY CRAZY.

He's loved me through fat.

He's loved me through self-doubt.

He's loved me through atheism.

He's loved me when the last person I loved was myself.

He's the first person who has stood by me through thick and thin, with a love that doesn't love only when it's convenient.  He's picked me up when I've been a pile of tears sobbing on the bathroom floor, so full of doubt, fear, and self-hate.

His support is a constant in my life-- he has my best interest at heart all of the time.  He isn't afraid to tell me things that might upset me, because he knows that my personal growth is more important than any reactions he may initial receive from me.  He always speaks the truth.

He's always on my side.

I would not be the woman and mother I am today without the man behind me, the man beside me, my husband, Garrett.

That's Nice, Honey...

I have yet to decide if  27 is "young" or "old."  I think it's mostly young, but possibly a bit old as well.; in the sense that a 21 year old looks so fresh, so baby-like in comparison to my permanently etched laugh-lines.

It's interesting to see the contrast of acne and crows feet laid upon the same canvas (of my face).  I would not have guessed that the two phases of growth would intermingle, that zits and wrinkles would take up simultaneous residency on my face.  I'm waiting for the grey hair, but it has not made an appearance (I think).  This probably has something to do with the correlation of grey hair and wisdom.  I've got much to learn.

But, in a small step towards growing up, I finally removed my nose ring.

Damn Boy! Are you the Sun?

Getting back into the blogging routine has been a lot harder than I thought it would be.  Those who posts regularly, with new content-- I am incredibly impressed!

We drove up to MSP Airport yesterday-- my Mom was flying back to Denver.  After that we took the kids to Mall of America for a bit.  That place-- I have a love/hate relationship with it.  A huge indoor amusement park when it's raining and cool outside?  Yes please.  Urban Outfitter's and all the BUY! BUY! BUY! consumerism- not so much.  Also, when did I stop shopping at Urban Outfitters?  I used to walk into that store and need to practice some serious self control because- OMGRZ errthang was is cute.  But, now-- I couldn't get out of there fast enough!  The store... it's just trying too hard.  Way too hard.

I do wish they had a shirt that said this:

source

I mean, that's some funny stuff right there!  You know you laughed!

Last night, Garrett and I watched House at the End of the Street on Netflix- it was good!  For those of you not familiar- it's a horror/suspense film starring Jennifer Lawrence.  Here's the synopsis from IMDB:

A mother and daughter move to a new town and find themselves living next door to a house where a young girl murdered her parents. When the daughter befriends the surviving son, she learns the story is far from over. 

There seems to be a lot of mixed reviews on the film but Garrett and I really enjoyed it.  The story isn't your typical hot chick/no storyline/slasher film.  Granted, there were some parts that made me a little confused, like why all the teens in the town hated Ryan so much.  But, overall I wasn't expecting a majority of the plot twists and the ending left you sympathizing with the bad guy.  (I'm a sucker for that.)

Have you seen House at the End of the Street?  What did you think of it?  What about Urban Outfitters?  Yay or nay?